The Juunishi Host Club
by SheherazadeSohma
Summary: Insanity ensues when the Kaibara gang meets the Ouran High Host Club. Sohma schemes, Host hijinks. Let the games begin! Rated T for language,First fanfic.Please R&R, no flames.
1. Chapter 1: The Web is Spun

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Hatori Bisco and Natsuki Takaya, etc. (And obviously the first paragraph isn't mine; I borrowed it from the LunarAnime translation of the Ouran anime.)

**Author's Note**

Hello! I'm SheherazadeSohma and this is my first fanfiction. It's a Fruits Basket/Ouran High Host Club crossover. I've seen all of the Ouran anime and am currently making my way through the first volume of the manga; I've read up to volume 14 of Furuba. This story is situated sometime before the end of the Ouran anime, and between chapters 82 and 83 of Furuba 14. (Ch. 82 is the one where Tohru visits Rin in the hospital and they get to know each other a bit better. Ch. 83 is where the hilarious miscasting for the Cinderella play occurs, and Yuki goes into the Student Council room's closet before Kimi, with her great timing, tells him the lock is broken, and Yuki is locked in.) We'll just pretend there are a few months between those chapters, shall we? I don't _think_ there are any Furuba or Ouran spoilers.

Now that you know how much my knowledge extends, I hope you'll forgive me if I make a mistake here and there, though I'll try and avoid those. If one happens, and it should have been covered in an episode I saw/volume I've read, I either did it for the story, or my memory was being stupid.

Please enjoy!

**Chapter 1: The Web is Spun**

Ouran Private Academy is defined by one, prestigious families, and two, wealth. And prosperous people have much time on their hands. Therefore, this Host Club is about these handsome guys that have time giving hospitality to these lovely ladies who also have time….and profit off them. It's an elegant game unique to this super-rich school.

But of course, all games grow old if the rules and players stay the same…

"Kyouya-senpai, what's wrong?"

Kyouya Ohtori glanced up from his laptop, dark eyes locking onto the younger girl's face. Haruhi Fujioka stood next to him wearing a brunette wig with braided pigtails, a traditional German _dirndl,_ and a concerned look.

He pushed his glasses higher up his nose. "What makes you think something's wrong?"

"You look more poker-faced than usual."

Kyouya smirked while the rest of the Host Club, decked out in lederhosen and cleaning up behind the two, sweatdropped at Haruhi's characteristic bluntness.

"Daddy's little girl will never learn tact," Tamaki Suoh, King of the Host Club, lamented to himself. His "daughter", as he frequently called her, looked absolutely adorable today in the German dress—the white longsleeved shirt under the black-bodiced, red-skirted dress, the pretty little white apron…

"Is Tama-chan going lovey-dovey over Haru-chan again?" Hunny Haninozuka said, waving his pink stuffed rabbit in the taller boy's face.

"GEH! Wha—!? No, I—!!!" He blushed to his blonde roots and started sweeping with a scary vigor.

"Plus, you were so worried about your work, you didn't join in the club activities today," Haruhi continued, adding a mumbled, _"Or perhaps it was the thought of wearing lederhosen, eh?"_

The older boy motioned Haruhi to stand behind his shoulder so she could see the laptop screen. "I've been working on a fairly consuming project as of late," Kyouya replied while typing out, Mother of God, yes. I'm deciding how to kill the idiot Frenchman as we speak.

"Ah yes, wasn't it something about the Sohma heirs, Kyouya?" Tamaki the idiot Frenchman called out. "When are they coming anyway?"

"We haven't a fixed date yet, but it won't be long now."

_"Eh?"_ Hikaru and Kaoru, the devilish twins, gave Haruhi a minor heart-attack when they popped up behind her. _"Sohma?"_ they continued in unison. _"So they're finally sending the next generation to Ouran?"_

"Apparently."

"Would someone please fill me in?" Haruhi asked, absently slapping the twins' hands as they each teasingly tried to curve an arm around the waist of her black bodice.

"As you would expect, the Sohma clan is very rich and powerful, even by Ouran Academy standards," Kyouya informed in his low, smooth voice. "They don't really specialize in dominating any one area, but build strong establishments in a variety of fields—oil, insurance, finance, commerce…there's even one, an Ayame Sohma, I believe, who made quite a coup a while back concerning fashion."

**HISSSSSSSSS!!!!!!**

Haruhi jumped away from the twins. With white-hot eyes, auburn hair sticking straight up, and teeth lengthened impossibly, they were _pissed_.

Feeling uncharacteristically kind, Kyouya patted the hand Haruhi wasn't clutching to her heart. "A high-ranking politician contacted their parents personally to commission a wedding dress, but then chose Ayame Sohma, who operates a small costume business, to make it instead."

_"WHICH WAS BULL!"_

Hikaru growled out, "It was just because Sohma had more experience with that sort of thing—"

"—that such a freakish tailor was chosen instead!" Kaoru finished with a snap.

"Just because—"

"Of all the stupid reasons—"

"WE'D NEVER MADE A MAN'S WEDDING DRESS BEFORE!"

They all stared at the Hitachiin brothers, looking red-faced and slightly insane in their lederhosen and traditional caps.

**"Eh!?!?"** poor Haruhi wailed.

"But I digress," Kyouya said deadpan. "The Sohma clan is a mighty force, but also an unusually quiet family. They're enormous in number and considerable in wealth, and yet only five or six from each successive generation have ever enrolled in Ouran. What's more, none of those enrolled were ever the head of the family, a strange move."

Haruhi nodded. Many of the country's most powerful dynasties sent their heirs to Ouran, to prepare them for taking over the family and company.

"The Sohmas always control things behind the scenes, and are quite secretive—" _It's a wonder you're not a Sohma, Shadow King-senpai_, Haruhi thought "—making them an object of mystery to many.

"Recently though, it's been made known that the present head of the clan plans to enroll quite a few heirs in Ouran, causing quite a stir. Superintendent Suoh asked me to make preparations to welcome the Sohmas into the student body."

"Heirs?" Hunny piped up from his position on Mori Morinozuka's back. "More than one is called the heir? Does that mean they_ all_ will be heads of the family, Kyou-chan?"

He shook his dark head. "It's unclear who will be the designated heir, Hunny-senpai, as Akito Sohma has no children. There are rumors of a Yuki Sohma, a distant cousin, but nothing official. The ones being enrolled now are apparently all favorites of Akito-san's, and will likely inherit the most when he passes. He's very young, but of poor constitution."

While he spoke, he stood, reached for a stack of folders, and spread them open across the tabletop.

"What is most relevant to _us_ is…their pictures."

"HMMM?" Tamaki, Hikaru, Kaoru, Haruhi, and Hunny peering down from Mori's shoulders, took a good look.

"Yuki, Kyo, Hatsuharu, Momiji, Hiro, Kisa, and Isuzu Sohma," Tamaki read off the folder's tags.

"Pay attention to the boys," Kyouya prodded.

"Why…they're all handsome! They look like they could be—"

"Hosts." The Shadow King of the Host Club allowed himself a triumphant smirk.

The wheels in the other hosts' brains started whirring…expect for Haruhi's. Wearing a deadpan look on her face, she muttered quietly:

"What. The. _Hell_."

"WHAT THE HELL!?!?"

Shigure Sohma had tripped in his Japanese robes while trying to duck behind the screen door, but had succeeded. Now he was trying to figure out how much time he had before his _upset_ young cousin punched through the paper to rip out his neck.

"Now, now, Kyo-kun, just let me get a word out—"

BAM.

Shigure winced as a copy of his latest masterpiece, _Summer Break Fantasies_, slammed through the paper door and into a wall, narrowly missing his head.

He looked through the hole in the door to see that Kyo Sohma, orange hair sticking on end, lanky limbs set in a martial arts stance, was shooting the flames of hell out his golden tiger eyes. He sucked in another breath to continue with—

"What the hell do you mean, WE HAVE TO FRICKIN' TRANSFER!"

"Akito wants—"

"YA THINK I GIVE A _DAMN_ WHATAKITO _WANTS_!?" Kyo roared. "I CAN TELL YA WHAT AKITO _NEEDS_!"

"Kyo-kun, let's be reasonable!"

Yuki Sohma and their housekeeper and unofficial member of their family, Tohru Honda, finally made it to Shigure's side.

"Are you all right, Shigure-san? I heard an awful bang!" Tohru said worriedly, blue eyes enormous. "Is Kyo-kun all right?"

"Well, there's nothing the matter with his lungs!" Shigure laughed nervously as Kyo took aim again.

"What's he yelling about now?" Yuki said wearily, running a hand through his dark gray hair.

"Eh, well, funny you should ask that—"

"AKITO NEEDS A GOOD KICK IN THE ASS, IS WHAT HE NEEDS!"

Shigure ducked as another book sailed though the hole, only to raise his head again indignantly. "That's it! I did _not _work on that book for a solid year only to have it used as cannon-fodder, as it were—GAH!!" The beleaguered novelist was too slow, and had his glasses clipped off the top of his head as a series of pens whizzed by like arrows.

Yuki picked up the second book, giving his cousin a flat look. "_Bad Boys and Naughty Girls _by Miroku Kinoshita?"

"The critics raved!" Shigure snapped.

"Who's Miroku Kinoshita?" Tohru asked innocently.

Shigure opened his mouth to explain his pen name, but Yuki whopped him in the head with his school bag. "Let's not shatter her image of you, shall we?"

He rubbed the bump forming under his slate-gray hair. "You still have those dictionaries in there, don't you?"

"How ever did you guess."

"TELL 'EM, YOU DOG! TELL 'EM NOW SO THEY'LL LET ME KILL YOU!"

Kyo's red-hazed eyes cleared enough to see Yuki's violet eyes staring at him reproachfully. "Only if you stop pitching everything you see at Shigure. He can't tell us anything while in a coma—" Kyo snarled "—and you could miss and hit Honda-san."

A moment of silence…then Yuki slid the door open. To Shigure's relief and Tohru's puzzlement, the volatile Cat sat at the end of the low table, quietly growling to himself, head bowed, arms wrapped tightly around his torso to keep them from finding the _sensei_'s neck.

"Now, first off, let's not make this Shoot-Shigure-the-Messenger-Day," Shigure said nervously. He sat and crossed his legs on the _opposite_ end of the table from Kyo. "As you know, I visited Akito yesterday. He told me that…for some time now…he's been making arrangements for those of the _Juunishi_ who are still in school. Starting next Monday…" Shigure paused, savoring what was possibly his last breath.

"You will no longer be attending Kaibara High, but Ouran Private Academy."

_AmIdeadamIdeadamIdead….._Shigure lifted his head from his robes slightly, and cracked open one gray eye.

Yuki was looking at him with a kind smile on his face.

"Run before I kill you."

_"YUKI-KUN—!!"_

Before he could hightail it, he found Tohru tugging on his long sleeve.

"Shigure-san, please, why? It's the middle of the year, and, and…" Her shocked, sweet blue eyes made the Dog's heart waver as none of his cousins' threats could. "I won't see them as often…will I?"

A dash of pain flashed across Yuki's eyes. Kyo's shoulders stiffened, and his gold gaze suddenly couldn't get enough of Tohru's face.

Shigure sighed. He placed a hand affectionately on Tohru's head. "Akito seems to think it would benefit the remaining school-age _Juunishi_ to be educated at Ouran. It's a very prestigious academy, with an excellent history for taking in the heirs to the country's top businesses and giving them a good education. We're a wealthy family with many companies, so it makes sense."

"But why now?" Yuki snapped. "It'd be one thing if we were just starting high school, but we're well into our junior year, we're nearly finished now!"

"Who can guess Akito's thoughts?" was the non-reply.

"Goodness, it's a Monday night! They have less than a week before they go!" Tohru's long brown hair swung forward to block her face. She sounded on the verge of tears.

"Eh-heh, I'm, eh, not sure you want to hear this, but I've known for about a month."

"What!" Yuki gasped.

"I was afraid if I told you too soon," Shigure whined, "Kyo would kill me in my sleep!"

_"There's always tonight!"_ Kyo spat.

"Oh dear…"

"This is bull," Kyo rasped. Whether it was from his yelling or his struggle not to yell, who knew? "Sending his precious Yuki to a fancy-pants academy, I can get, but why me? He doesn't give a damn about me or the _Cat_."

"It's not just you two, Kyonkichi," Shigure said softly, "but Haru and Momitchi. He's also pulling out Hiro and Satchan, and Rin, _if_ she gets out of the hospital in time, and_ if_ she doesn't fling herself out a window rather than comply."

Kyo slammed his fist on the table. "_Dammit_, he's trying to play with our lives again! There is no way in hell I'm going, got it? No way! I'd rather join Rin and fling myself off the roof!"

"Kyo-kun!" Tohru gasped.

Kyo ran out, Tohru following suite. Shigure sighed and reached for the cigarette pack on the table, only to find that Yuki had pulled it away.

"It's because of Honda-san, right? After the summer house, he's becoming more and more desperate to keep us from her."

Shigure tucked his hands into his robe sleeves, looking at his young cousin squarely. "You don't think it's because he wants you to have the good education Ouran provides?"

"As the Cat said, that's bull. It's because Ouran is _competitive_ and _expensive_—even if Tohru wanted to transfer and leave Uotani and Hanajima behind, she'd never make the entrance exams, much less the obscene tuition."

"You could always say no."

"Yes, just as easily as _you _could say no."

Not even silver-tongued Shigure could reply to that.

"Kyo."

The Cat heard the Rat's footsteps on the roof tiles, but didn't raise his head. "The hell do _you_ want? You never come up on the roof. I thought it stank too much of Cat, or somethin'."

"We need to talk about Ouran," Yuki said evenly.

"Not much to talk about. If Shigure brings it up one more time, swear to God, I _will_ jump off the roof. DAH!" He dug his fingers into his hair. "I wanna rip it out!"

"…What?"

He looked at Yuki. He couldn't tell Tohru, since being a non-member of the Zodiac it'd be difficult for her to get it, he was homicidal towards Shigure right now, and…what Yuki had done by coming to the roof, the Cat's domain, a place only Tohru had been on before, was significant somehow.

_Aw, what the hell._

"The spirit of the Cat," Kyo gritted out. "Day by day…I'm making peace with it. And it's been there since I was born, these feline instincts, the strength...and I'm coming to terms with my bitterness, but there's still some there, and it's obviously not all mine."

"The blood remembers."

"Yeah…so, I got this war-peace thing going on with the Cat. And the times it feels like war—I want it gone, ripped it out, just have a knife put in me and have the spirit leave me alone. Because, dammit, I know she's crying down there in her bed right now, and all I wanna do is hold her tight, I wanna hug her tears away, but I can't, 'cause if we touch she'll end up clinging to a _cat!_"

Yuki sat silently. This was the first time Kyo had admitted something so personal to him. All he could say was "I know."

"That's why I swore I'd snuff myself. Akito can't make me go if I'm dead."

"Those are your hormones and temper talking; you'd be spared from Akito, but separated from Honda-san anyway. Every one of us needs to go, for Honda-san…_Tohru-kun_'s sake."

"If he's trying so hard to break us apart, why not a boarding school?"

"We wouldn't be in a Sohma house then, would we?"

Kyo lifted his head to the stars, as though the stars would whisper an escape to him. "I know we have to go. If Akito's obsessed enough with keeping everyone away from her, including the Outcast…he'd go berserk on her if we didn't obey. It'd be rebellion, wouldn't it?"

"Yes," Yuki agreed, "if we count you as a _Juunishi_, that would make the majority of the Zodiac disobeying an order of Akito's. He'd tear Tohru-kun apart."

No one questioned the Bond, forged in blood—Akito was the tie that bound them, and could wrench their heartstrings like a puppeteer with his marionettes.

Tohru was the tie that broke Akito's—the New Bond.

She was the Angel of the Zodiac, the Angel of Death to Akito—and in more danger than all the_ Juunishi_ combined.


	2. Chapter 2: Kudos for the Telephone

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Hatori Bisco and Natsuki Takaya, etc.

**Chapter 2: Kudos for the Telephone**

The next morning, right after his teen charges had left for school, Shigure picked up the phone.

"Hello."

"Haa-san! Long time no—"

_Beep…beep…beep…._

"Eh-heh…" Shigure sweatdropped, then determinedly dialed again.

"All right, I know you hate happiness so early in the day, so I'll get down to business," Shigure said quickly.

"Shigure."

"Hmmm, Tori-san?"

"You know I love you dearly, right, Guretchi?"

"As a blood relative, and friend who has been with you since before we started school, I should hope you love me!" He grinned triumphantly at his cousin's rare use of his childhood nickname.

"Then will you be insulted if I ask if you're calling to request a favor?"

"Of course I'm not insulted, and yes, actually, I was going to ask—"

_Beep…beep…beep…_

After a third dial:

_"Dammit, Ha'ri, it's not a favor for me!!"_

On the other end of the line, in Hatori Sohma's office on the main Sohma estate, the clan's doctor and the Zodiac's Dragon heaved a sigh and pushed away his paperwork. From long experience he knew that if it was Shigure calling, he wouldn't be able to get to it for another hour at least.

"No, I will not model labcoats for Ayame. _Ever. Again_."

"That's unanimous—Aaya still has the scar the stethoscope you chucked at him."

"There was never a scar, you liar."

"Anyway," Shigure interjected, "the favor is for the children's behalf. You must have heard of Akito's pulling them out—"

"And putting them in Ouran, yes."

"You've already guessed why, eh, Haa-san?"

"Honda-kun. It always comes back to Honda-kun, doesn't it?"

"A very effective tactic," Shigure went on, "since the entrance exams and tuition are beyond her. But I did a bit of research, and they do have a program for underprivileged hopefuls…"

"I know what you're getting at." Hatori rubbed his near-useless left eye. He was never in doubt as to when he was stressed, because the throb would start. "But lacking money isn't enough. To get into that program you have to be _very _academically advanced, and Honda-kun is academically _average_."

"Tutors," came the glib reply.

"Gure!"

"Tori!" Shigure retorted. "This is important! I say if Akito wants to play dirty, so should we. And it's not like Tohru-kun doesn't deserve to get the best education possible."

"And it's not like she won't see Yuki, Kyo, and the others outside of school."

"School is very important to children socially, they spend most of their time there," Shigure said firmly. "And this could just be the first step in something more. If we let this slide, how much more will it escalate? We _have_ to keep them together."

He took a deep breath, figuring now or never: "And…I think that should go for Arisa-san and Saki-chan as well."

"Uotani and…Hanajima?"

"Right."

"The yankee who acts like Kyo—"

"Affirmative."

"—and the psychic who beat you in that damned outdoor _Dai Hin Min_ game in the freezing weather?"

"You just won't drop that, will you?" sheepish Shigure muttered.

Hatori had come over to treat Yuki for his breathing condition after working virtually two straight days on dozens of cases of the flu that had attacked many Sohmas. He had not appreciated stopping to treat Shigure's and Kyo's fevers because, through rather strange circumstances, they'd wound up outside for two hours playing a card game with Hana-chan and others, losing miserably to her.

"Arisa-san's grades are quite good as I understand it, and Saki-chan…well, her scores would probably be off the charts if she didn't severely lack motivation. They're like sisters to Tohru-kun, and have helped in widening Yuki and Kyo's world—they're friends."

"And you think I can help?" Hatori had connections.

"That's my hope."

"Considering that we're _Juunishi_, this is just about treason. Not only are we on thin ice for just talking about this—" the muscles around Hatori's eye throbbed harder "—the danger for Honda-kun will skyrocket. Someone will tell Akito, Gure."

"Battles aren't won by safety."

"_She'll_ be on the front line, not you."

"I heard her crying last night; she doesn't want to separated from them either."

"How does this help you?"

Shigure was thrown. "What are you saying?"

"That I disagree when they say that the Rat is the Schemer of the Zodiac."

The Dog slowly lit a cigarette. "I wouldn't have those three children under my roof—" _and destroying my precious house_, he thought, remembering previous escapades, "—if I detested them."

"Meaning?"

Shigure smiled his unreadable smile. "Even I know how to love, Ha'ri."

In Ouran's Third Music Room, it was quiet. Or more accurately, the noise wasn't so loud that it couldn't be ignored.

Haruhi had stayed late at the school to help Kaoru help Hikaru on his English homework. She was currently trying to referee between the twins, as Kaoru thought it hilarious that Hikaru knew his brother was calling him English obscenities, but couldn't understand them.

Mori was talking more than he usually did in a six month period, tactfully trying to get Hunny to part with Bun-Bun so the stuffed rabbit could be laundered.

Renge Houshakuji, the Host Club's self-appointed manageress, finding that no one else wanted to listen to her, had somehow jammed open the mysterious door to the Black Magic Club. She was threatening the club's president Nekozawa with a high-powered flashlight if he didn't listen to her jabber about which cosplay outfit she should wear for an upcoming convention. As ever, his hooded face was expressionless, but his expressive hand-puppet cat, Beelzenef, was clutching its head in pain as Renge agonized over whether to go as Cardcaptor Sakura or Angelic Layer's Misaki Suzuhara.

And in the midst of all the chaos, Tamaki was trying to get Kyouya to agree to a Moulin Rouge theme for the next club dressup.

"But—"

"No."

"It's—"

"Never."

"Kyouya, it's perfect! The ladies will be dazzled! Flash! Glamor! _Beautè!_ _Libertè!_ _Amour!—"_

"I'm starting to think you're _on _something."

"And it's French, Kyouya! Do this for me, to remember my beloved homeland! Half of me is Japanese, but my French blood sings at the thought—"

"Moulin Rouge is famous for showgirls, Tamaki, show_girls_." Kyouya held up a hand to halt Tamaki. "Is this just an excuse to see Haruhi-kun in a showgirl outfit?"

Tamaki drew himself up indignantly. "That's sinful, Kyouya! How could you even suggest I'd want to see my daughter in such clothing!"

Kyouya stared at him.

"…She would look pretty, though, wouldn't she?"

Seeing that the "Prince" had retreated to his Inner Mind Theater to dream about the "Princess", Kyouya took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. The sound of his cell-phone was almost a welcome distraction.

Amidst all the noise, Haruhi somehow heard his cell as well. She turned with a "Wha—? That music—? Oh." She saw him pull the cell out from inside his school blazer. "You have _Darth Vader's theme_ as your ringtone?"

Kyouya merely smiled, his glasses glinting.

"It's impossible to be surprised anymore," she sighed.

"Oi, Haruhi, I think I have the essay finished."

She took the paper from Hikaru. She didn't get past the first sentence before: "Kaoru, if he submits this paper, _Sensei_ will go into convulsions from all these curse words."

"KAORU!!!!!"

Kyouya sighed and turned away as the twins' table flipped over in the struggle. "Kyouya Ohtori speaking."

"Hello, this is Hatori Sohma. You might have heard of me from Yoshio-san."

"Yes, I remember my father being quite pleased at meeting the Sohma family doctor," said Kyouya smoothly, his voice taking on the lighter, friendlier business tone he used with club clients and anyone who could benefit Ohtori Medical. He didn't question how Hatori got hold of his cell-phone number—the Sohmas were mysterious, and that was enough.

"I know this may seem sudden and rude, since we haven't talked before at all, but I'd like to negotiate with you."

The wheeler-and-dealer glanced at his fellow hosts. Tamaki was cautiously trying to broach the subject of showgirls to Haruhi, who'd given up on separating the bickering twins. Their brawling gave enough distraction for Mori to pull Bun-Bun from Hunny's arms and for Nekozawa to drag the Black Magic Club's door shut, enraging Renge.

"Believe me, there's nothing else I'd rather do at the moment."

"You're in charge of my young cousins next Monday, and I hear you have a close friend who is the son of Superintendent Suoh."

Kyouya shot a wry look at Tamaki, on bended knee trying to convince an unamused Haruhi that being a showgirl was right up her alley.

"Yes, are you concerned about how the young Sohmas will be treated? Ouran tries to maintain a friendly and nurturing atmos—"

"Please stop sounding like a brochure," Hatori interrupted. "Let's just say that our head—Akito—is putting them in Ouran to try and lessen the influence of a certain girl. She's become like…she_ has_ become family to them, and Akito doesn't like it. It's all family politics, basically. I was wondering if perhaps you could pull strings for her and two other girls who are also close to them. I can send you their transcripts and such as soon as you wish."

Kyouya was already looking at the chess set that was his mind, assessing several different battle plans at once. "And in return?"

"I heard a whisper that you plan to take over Ohtori Medical soon, whether your father gives it to you or not."

His smile broadened. "Oh, the things people say."

"Should that happen, I'd be fully prepared to give you the support of the Sohmas. Akito would be willing; he appreciates the superb equipment we get from you."

"Did you also hear I am the _third_ son?"

"What I heard was that while the first and second were like their father, with all his good and bad points, the third son seemingly only has the good, and grew out of the bad."

Once again, he couldn't help but glance at idiotic, melodramatic, _kind_ Tamaki, and Haruhi, oblivious to so much, but so perceptive when it mattered.

"I expect the girls' information delivered to my home no later than Wednesday afternoon."


	3. Chapter 3: Black Monday

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Hatori Bisco and Natsuki Takaya, etc.

00000000000000000000000000000000

**Sheherazade's Blah Blah Blah**

I figured I'd do a version of Takaya-sensei's 'Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah' that she had in the early volumes of Furuba. Not much to say about 'Black Monday', except that I hope you don't think I dropped the ball! Hopefully, the funny bits will be funny. And while I'm at it, no, I didn't forget Rin-san, heaven forbid! I love her, plus she's my year! She'll make an appearance hopefully next chapter, which I'll work on immediately. I figured she'd be uncomfortable arriving with the others (coughHarucough) and she that she's the type who makes an awesome solo entrance or no entrance at all.

And thank you **KittyKat 2009** and **wayfarer-redemption** for the reviews on my first two chapters. My first-ever reviewers!

000000000000000000000000000000000

**Chapter 3: Black Monday**

The day the Kaibara gang had dubbed "Black Monday" had arrived.

Shigure Sohma's house had a funereal air about it, as though someone had died before the dawn. It really shouldn't have been a big deal. They were just switching schools…people did it all the time…they would still see Tohru…nothing would change…no…not a big deal at all…

Kyo leaned against the front door's frame, hands in his pockets. His orange bangs hung in front of his eyes, but he was quite sure the chauffeur could feel the glinting gold blast of hatred drilling into the skull beneath his black cap. The poor man uneasily reached up to make sure his sunglasses were secure—who knew what would happen if he made eye contact with the temperamental Kyo-bocchan.

"Yuki-kun!" Shigure sighed, and finally started to climb the stairs. "Yuki, you should've been downstairs ten minutes ago. The others are waiting in the limo."

Up in his room, Yuki reluctantly took hold of his schoolbag, and turned to look in his full-length mirror. Like Kyo, he was wearing the black slacks, white collared shirt, and light blue blazer that were the Ouran Academy uniform. He lightly fingered the yellow shield on the left breast that was the school's crest, marking him as an Ouran student—no longer Kaibara.

"What the hell do I do now."

A soft rap came at the door. When he opened it, Tohru and Shigure stood at Yuki's door.

"Yuki-kun, you need to go _now_. Students have been arranged to give you all a tour of the school, you mustn't make them wait."

Tohru saw Yuki's grip tighten on his bag's handle. "Your tie," she blurted, pointing to limp length of cloth in his other hand. "Do you need help with it?"

Shigure backed away quietly as Tohru tugged it out of Yuki's grasp. All he could do was look down at the shorter girl, at her moist eyes. He suddenly remembered a moment that seemed forever ago, when they were still new to each other, and Yuki had accidentally transformed for a second time before her at school. She had kindly done his tie then also, unperturbed that a minute before he'd been a rat. When she tightened the knot, a corresponding tightening, stretching, grew in his chest.

Tohru backed away, smoothing the purple stripe in the middle of the black tie. "There. You look very handsome, Yuki-kun." _Please, please don't let my voice crack. He must be so stressed right now, I mustn't make him worry about me as well. Kyo-kun is already on edge because of my tears…_ "I'll make an extra-special dinner tonight to celebrate your first day at Ouran. I'm sure it's a wonderful place."

Yuki did his best to smile, and reached out to finger the yellow ribbon at the end of a thick braid in her hair. "I remember giving this to you last year on White Day."

She shakily smiled back and nodded. Yuki took her elbow and ushered her down the stairs to the door.

"You don't work today, right? I say we go to that restaurant Uo-chan works at for a snack. I think that'll cheer everyone up."

"Oh, she'll love that! She likes to impress people she knows with her waitressing skills." Tohru looked at her two dear friends, standing in the doorway, Yuki looking at her sadly, Kyo still with his back to her. "Please…please do your best."

Yuki nodded and walked out. She was about to turn away, hoping to have a quick cry and compose herself before she had to head toward school, but stopped when she felt a warm hand slip into hers.

"Look," Kyo said gruffly, "we'll be all right. If Sissy Boy can keep beating me, he can look after himself fine at this new place, and Haru'll just go Black on the ass of anyone trying to corner him or Rin. And I'm gonna make clear from the get-go that no one messes with me or the kids," he added, meaning Momiji, Hiro, and Kisa.

Tohru smiled. "You'll all do wonderfully today. I just know it."

Kyo stared at her a moment—then briskly tugged her braid and squeezed her hand.

"See ya." He made his way toward the black limo that was looking more and more like a hearse.

He didn't look back.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Tohru had just put on her shoes when she noticed Shigure behaving odd…_more oddly_ than usual.

"Are you expecting someone so early, Shigure-san?" The Dog was looking every which-way out the door, scratching his head in puzzlement.

"Eh…you could say that, Tohru-kun. Or rather, I was expecting something to be _picked up_ right about now." He looked at her slantwise, then glanced at his watch.

"I suppose I'll be going now," she chirped, hoping her voice sounded as chipper as usual.

Once she was away, Shigure muttered, "I wonder if I should call Hatori. He told me they said _they'd_ pick her up!"

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Tohru didn't know what hit her.

One minute the road was clear and silent, and next—

**"EEHHH?!?!"**

Her gaze darted around in a panic, looking at identical teen boys lifting her off her feet by the arms.

"Target—"

"—secure!"

SSKKEEEEEEEEKKK!!!

A black limo skidded out of nowhere. The passenger window rolled down to reveal a dark haired, bespectacled young man wearing a sly expression. "Excellent. Escort Honda-san to the back."

Staring wildly at twin demonic grins, Tohru found herself carried by one boy into the limo while the other grabbed her fallen school valise.

_Wait—they're wearing blue uniforms like the ones Kyo-kun and Yuki-kun have!_

"Pardon our rudeness, Milady Honda—"

"—but we're nearly late for school!"

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

High on the roof of the clock tower, Tamaki adjusted a dial on his high-powered binoculars until the vehicle driving through the front gates was in his sights. He kept focusing in until he had a crystal-clear view of the newest arrivals to the academy.

First out of the sleek limo was Yuki Sohma, who stepped resolutely forward, gray hair glinting in the morning sun. Kyo Sohma was next, his backpack hanging off one shoulder. Unlike his clean-cut cousin, this Kyo-san was apparently more of a rebel—his tie was hanging limply around his neck, and he was presently tugging his collar loose. He prowled like a tiger ahead of Yuki, shaking his orange mop agitatedly, not happy at all.

Tamaki turned the binoculars back to see a blonde boy hop out, in standard uniform except for a yellow tie with a bunny face on the end, and a couple flower pins on his lapel. A glum look was on his face, but when he turned back to the limo, he jumped again and held out his hand to the delicate little nymph who came next. She wore the brown sailor top and skirt of Ouran's middle school section, and though her hair was mostly short, a few long blonde locks swung to cover her sweet, shy face.

_Momiji and Kisa Sohma-san,_ Tamaki thought. _And the young sourpuss must be Hiro-san._

Hiro looked sour indeed. His middle school cream and gold-bordered blazer showed off a torso that was working its way towards lithe and muscular, and made his _I-hate-the-world_ glare all the more formidable. He snapped something at the leaping Momiji, who ignored him as he twirled Kisa around, succeeding in coaxing a smile from her. It was interesting, Tamaki observed, to see how his fierce glare melted when Kisa came to him. He ducked his sandy head to better catch her soft voice.

_Very interesting indeed_, Tamaki mused.

Last out was Hatsuharu Sohma. If Kyo was the black sheep of the family, Hatsuharu was a close second. His hair had a bit of black, but was mostly a shock of white, his blazer was undone, his shirt partially unbuttoned, and from his neck hung a spiked choker, an Irish Cross on a chain, and a medallion. Something was etched on it, but the sunshine and the limitations of the binoculars' focus kept Tamaki from making it out. For someone who looked so rebellious, the freshman's behavior was calm and gentle, especially to Kisa, whose hair he briefly ruffled.

_A gentleman; one, possibly two bad boys; and a contender for Hunny-senpai's title as loli-shota. Perhaps Hiro-san could replace that Shiro Takaoji as a naughty-type?_

Tamaki let the binoculars thump against his chest. It swung from the strap around his neck as he swiftly flitted across the roof tiles and into a tiny window above the clock's face. He needed to get down to the Third Music Room in time for the Grand Tour, besides the fact that he better get out of the clock tower before school started. Otherwise—

BOOONNNGGG!! BOOONNNGGG!! BOOONNNGGG!!

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

The Juunishi clustered at the foot of a grand staircase in the high school section. Ouran was a huge complex of buildings, and of course the rooms weren't numbered by any system that made sense, so the chances of Hiro and Kisa getting lost while trying to find the middle school was great. Besides, no one felt much like separating.

A few people were passing on their way to class, and stole curious glances at them. Haru and Hiro stuck by Kisa to reassure her; Momiji was too busy bubbling over how fancy and palacial every inch of Ouran was to notice the stares; and Yuki and Kyo's eyes darted around attentively. For once, they were at peace with one another, having assumed joint leadership over their younger cousins.

"Okay, just when's the welcoming committee gonna get here?" Kyo rasped softly so only Yuki could hear. "I feel like an idiot standing here with all these moneybags gawking at us like we're anim—"

Yuki jabbed him in the side. "Don't you dare finish that sentence," he hissed. He stepped in front of Kyo, violet eyes burning. "Not one reference to _what we are_. Not one word that will make us react suspiciously. It wasn't so dangerous in Kaibara, not with Hatori's _talent with memory_, but the stakes are higher here. If we're exposed in front of these people, they have family that can make life_ very_ uncomfortable _very_ fast for all of us."

Kyo glared at him. _"Back off."_

_"Then watch your stupid tongue."_

"Yo."

They turned and glanced at Haru. He seemed to be zoning out as usual, staring vacantly at an ornate sculpted archway over the entrance they'd come through.

"You say something, Haru?" Kyo said.

Haru said nothing, but his eyes, for a split second, went from the arch to a corner of the room and back.

"Yo, cowboy," Kyo said louder, "did you say—"

"Aha," came the soft interruption, "I _am_ right. Look at the far end of the room to my right. Someone's been interested in us for the past ten minutes."

Sure enough, a tall dark-haired boy was standing partially behind a marble pillar, his body cast in shadow, though his glasses caught the morning beams from a tall window. As soon as Haru voiced his presence, the figure somehow seemed to know his cover was blown, and melted into the column.

"Dammit, _ten minutes_ in this gilded cage and we've already got someone after us," Kyo hissed.

"Do you think he heard anything?" Yuki muttered.

"Naw, he couldn't, that column's too far away," Kyo dismissed.

A deliberate cough came from behind them. The whole group turned and found a tall teenager standing on the foot of the stairs. With dark spikes for hair, an emotionless face, and shoulders just under the size of an American football player's in padding, he didn't ease anyone's nerves.

"Is this the welcoming committee or the jail warden?" Hiro irately muttered to Kyo. "I say we cut and run before the ball and chains come out."

_"HALLO!"_

Momiji bounced right up to the monolith, all smiles and sunshine. "_Guten morgen!_ I'm Momiji Sohma. These other people behind me are my cousins. Are you the person who's supposed to be showing us around? Ya look like you're pretty at home in this place. What year are you? I bet you're a senior student, you look, what's the word, authoritative? Yeah, that's it, authori—"

Haru neatly tucked the end of Momiji's yellow bunny tie into his flapping mouth. "Breathe, Momiji, and we'll interview the _senpai _more slowly while you do that."

Kyo bent his head toward Hiro. "All I know is," he muttered, "if we get the electric chair, _Bunny Boy goes first_."

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

The _senpai_'s name, they discovered, was Takashi Morinozuka. Beyond a collective greeting to them all and the words "Please follow me. We must make a stop before the tour begins," he said nothing.

Momiji, undeterred by Haru's not-so-subtle hint to cool it, was at the front of the procession with Morinozuka-senpai, chattering about whatever came to mind. Oddly, the silent senior gave tiny signals that he was actually listening to the childlike freshman's exclamations, rather than feeling Hiro and Kyo's growing irritation.

It didn't help that they happened to be traveling a time when people were really flurrying to get to class. Yuki pushed Kisa behind him and Haru to avoid the taller young men. But there was also the matter of the girls—the flirty, yellow-gowned, boy-crazy, _numerous_ girls who were all twittering at the sudden appearance of three hot guys and two cute little boys.

Kyo saw Hiro dodge a group of madly giggling girls, only to nearly collide with a wandering redhead who seemed to have no idea where she was going.

"_Watchit!!"_ He snatched Hiro's collar and jerked him out of the way. "Jeez, the girls here are blind! It's like tryin' to dodge bombs!"

"At least they give us advance warning," Haru said over his shoulder to the nervously sweating boys. "It's not like you can't see them when they're wearing those yellow circus tents."

"God, this is suicide," Hiro muttered back. "If one of these giants doesn't accidentally hug Kisa, they'll run her over!"

Kisa heard. She fell back and took Hiro's hand. "Don't worry about me so much, Hiro-chan. I'm pretty tough; they call me a real tiger, you know."

And they just had to share a smile.

Once classes had begun and their journey was less harrowing, Haru and Kisa made up a game of counting the number of each type of room they came across. Fourth Reading Room…Ninth Gymnasium…Twelfth Library…Thirteenth Poetry Corner…Twenty-First Starbucks…

By the time they had passed the Twenty-Ninth Chocolatier, Morinozuka finally stopped before a door with an overhanging sign: Third Music Room.

Everyone felt their knees about to give, except of course for Morinozuka, stoic as ever, and the equally blank-faced Haru, carrying a weary Kisa piggy-back. Even Momiji's motor-mouth had lost steam.

"_S-Senpai_," Yuki gasped out. "Take as long as you need here. _We insist_."

_"Yeah!"_ Kyo burst out vehemently, "I don't think you need to bother with a tour now. We've prob'ly seen all o' this place that's humanly possible."

Morinozuka opened the door. The exhausted Sohmas raised their heads—and turned gray and white-eyed in shock.

"WELCOME!" chorused five handsome young men—the Ouran Host Club.

Not that they were noticed.

Tohru sat in a chair in front of the men, looking befuddled.

Hana-chan sat next to her, bottomless black eyes unamused.

And Uo-chan was strapped to a chair on Tohru's other side, her mouth gagged—in short, trussed-up and pissed-off.

"Um, um, um…hello…isn't this a small world?" Tohru uneasily chirped.


	4. Chapter 4: Getting to Know You

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Hatori Bisco and Natsuki Takaya, etc.

**Chapter Four: Getting to Know You**

00000000000000000000000000000000

**Sheherazade's Blah Blah Blah**

This is where the Host Club and the Sohmas and Co. get to know one another a bit. I hope it's not too long (sweatdrops). I had so much fun with the dialogue! It's a challenge making sure everyone has something interesting to say, but it's great imagining how characters from separate series would interact with each other. Ideas for future scenes are popping up all over the place.

00000000000000000000000000000000

"WHAT THE HELL!?!?"

The hosts backed away as Kyo and the others dashed forward. He yanked Tohru out of the chair and shoved her behind him. "What've you done to them?!"

Yuki untied Uo-chan's gag. "They kidnapped us, frickin' crazies!" she hollered. "Get me outta this chair! I need to hit these bastards over the head with it!"

Kisa hugged Tohru around her waist. "_Oneechan_, are you all right? You're not hurt?" she exclaimed.

"Oh no, not at all Kisa-san, they just really, _really_ surprised us all!"

The door was suddenly opened again with a slam. A boy, shorter than the rest, ran in, brown eyes wild, short brown hair messy from his headlong dash to the music room. He locked eyes with the tall blonde host.

"_Senpai_, tell me you didn't—" He took a closer look around the room, spotting deadpan Hana, flustered Tohru, the still-bound Uo, and the livid Sohmas. "Oh God, you did! What were you thinking? You could all go to prison for kidnapping!"

Tamaki cupped a hand behind his ear. "Eh? What was that Haruhi?"

"Tamaki-senpai, pay attention! Kidnapping—equals—prison! What—the hell!"

"Daddy's dearest, whyever would I be _napping_ now? Really, you're not making any sense, what are you thinking—"

"Has he lost what's left of his brain cells?" Haruhi mumbled to the twins.

"He's slightly deaf at the moment," said the twin whose bangs curled slightly to the left. "He should be normal—well, as normal as he ever is—in just a couple minutes."

"Are you sure the word isn't _daft?_"

"Definitely deaf—he'll _always_ be daft," commented the twin with the right-curling bangs. "His Highness was observing our new guests from the clock tower, and didn't get out in time before the bell rang."

"I should ask…but I won't."

_This deaf guy reminds me of_ someone _I know_, Yuki thought.

After another shout directly into Tamaki's ear sent Haruhi's protests through.

"Ahh, _kid_napping! That won't be a problem at all, as soon as we explain everything to our guests," the blonde said brightly. "Besides, we don't have them captive, not really. You shouldn't jump to conclusions, Haruhi."

"You have a girl_ tied to a chair._ I think I can jump to a pretty good conclusion!"

"I won't be tied up for long!" Uo-chan snapped. She'd been viciously rocking back and forth on the wood chair the entire time. "I'll break this damn thing and stake you all though your hearts with the pieces!"

"Oh, _gomen_, Uo-chan, I'll take the rest of these off—" Yuki bent to loosen a strap at her ankle.

"I would wait," the bespectacled boy said, "until Uotani-san is calmer. Letting her loose in her present state would be like letting a wild boar loose in a china shop."

"_Ya wanna come closer and say that, Four-Eyes?!"_ the fiery blonde yelled.

"He doesn't know _nothin' _about wild boars," Kyo muttered with a shiver.

Momiji sidled up to an increasingly panicked Tohru. "_Tooohruu,_ do you wanna candy?"

"Eh, erm, ah_, wha—?!_"

"Nice to know you're so interested in what's going on, Bunny Boy," Kyo muttered.

Tamaki stepped forward. "Before this goes any further, how about we all introduce ourselves? I am Tamaki Suoh," he said with a smile, his hands sweeping grandly through the air.

"Kyouya Ohtori," said the black-haired boy Uo-chan had dubbed "Four-Eyes."

"You've met Mori-senpai, obviously," Tamaki said. "He doesn't talk much."

"Hnnn," Mori acknowledged.

"Hi!" A tiny blonde leapt out, a pink stuffed rabbit in tow. "I'm Mitsukuni Haninozuka, but you can all call me Hunny!" He pattered up to Tohru, who now stood beside a wary and off-balance Kyo. "I hope they didn't frighten you too badly, Tohru-chan. Hika-chan and Kao-chan are mischievous rascals, but they can be really nice. Kyou-chan, well, he looks kinda scary all the time, but he can be nice too!"

"Oh, uh, _arigatou_, Mitsukuni-san, but I'm quite recovered now," Tohru said sweetly. "I hope you don't think this rude, but why are you wearing a high schooler's uniform? I saw some children who I think were also in elementary school, and their green uniforms looked very nice!"

"But I am in high school!" Hunny said brightly, pointing at Mori. "I'm in the senior year, just like my cousin Takashi!"

"**EEHHH?!?!"**

The Sohmas and the three other girls goggled back and forth at the fair-haired, bunny-wielding munchkin and the dark, dangerous-looking samurai throwback.

Momiji and Haru looked up from the bag of candy they had been sharing in their boredom.

"_Hmmm….We can believe it!"_

"HEY!" Hiro cried out as the two identical orange-haired teens popped up between him and Kisa.

"Hikaru Hitachiin, at your service!" said the boy whose bangs went right.

"Kaoru Hitachiin, also available for help!"

They grinned appealingly. _"In case you're wondering, we're twins."_

"Do tell," Yuki said drolly.

Tamaki smiled tenderly at the last member of the strange brigade. "And right over here is…"

"Haruhi Fujioka," said the boy who had run in. "For what it's worth, I apologize for what they've done," he said with a slight bow. " They're slightly insane."

"Finally, someone's talking sense!" Uo-chan nearly sobbed. "Tell me there are more of you!"

"You mean anywhere in _Ouran?_" Haruhi looked truly taken aback. "Think about what you've just said."

"Aw, _hell_—"

"Arisa."

The voice who quelled the spitfire was Hana-chan's. Everyone stopped to looked at her. She stood up and brushed off her skirt with her black-polished fingertips, then briefly fixed her infamous black-hole stare on Kyouya, who stood his ground, and the twins, who wisely shrunk back.

"I am Saki Hanajima," she breathed in her otherworldly voice, "for those of you who might not know." She glanced at Tamaki, Hunny, and Mori. "And for the Sohmas' information, Tohru-kun was snatched off the road on her way to school, and I was caught soon after. The two blondes must have taken Arisa separately, since we met her when we arrived."

Kyo looked at her incredulously. "So, you're telling us you didn't try and electrocute them?"

"_Electrocute?"_ The twins blanched and whipped their eyes to Kyouya. _"Eh, Kyouya-senpai, is there something—"_

"Unfortunately, there was some sort of rubber built into the driver's section of the limo where they were sitting, so my efforts were useless," Hana-chan blandly informed.

"_Senpai, tell us! What's this about elec—"_

"So, what happened to you, Uo-chan?" Tohru piped up.

"I'll tell you what happened," the ex-yankee growled. "I was walking to school, minding my own damn business, when a van crawls up next to me. That little pipsqueak—" Hunny ducked behind Mori as her eyes radiated hate at him. "—pops out of the back, and asks if I wanna come to some Oreo place. I say no, he wrestles me into the van like I'm a doll, and I have to listen to Blondie the driver—" Her glare deflated Tamaki's smile. "—make small talk for forever until I end up here trussed up like bale of hay!"

"You'll have to excuse that," Kyouya said smoothly, "I was apprised of your yankee past and feisty attitude. I thought it only a matter of course to send someone skilled in martial arts to bring you to Ouran to safeguard against you or anyone else getting hurt."

"Well at least you were purely looking out for _her_ interests," Haru said dryly, absently chewing a candy Momiji gave him.

"_Hello!_ Anyone notice the fact that a _kindergartener_ wrestled a kick-ass streetfighter and won? _Ya see anything that doesn't quite fit in this picture!?_"

Kyo snickered. "_Keh!_ Kick-ass, _my_ ass."

"Shaddup, Orangey!"

"You should be grateful we brought you here," Kyouya spoke loudly over her. "Certain Sohmas didn't want you to three to be apart from their relatives, and persuaded us to make arrangements for you. It was quite dangerous for them, so the fewer people who knew beforehand about the plan to get you to Ouran, the better. We apologize for any stress we may have put you under, but you can't say we've actually laid a finger on you."

"_They bound me!"_

"You would have killed them," Kyouya replied in exasperation. "I think they were justified."

Yuki waves his arms. "Wait, wait! What's this about our relatives asking for the girls to transfer here? Arrangements? Danger?"

"All questions will be answered soon enough," Kyouya replied, "but not right now. We should have begun our tour—" He glanced at his watch. "—ten minutes ago. We still need to get the ladies into school uniforms and—"

"Kyou-chan! They haven't introduced themselves yet!" Hunny cried.

Hana-chan had already done so, and Tohru and the Sohmas stated their names. When they got to Momiji, Hunny gasped.

"Momiji-chan, you have a _wonderful _tie!"

The two short-statured boys hopped in front of each other. "Why, _danke schön_!" Momiji giggled. "I really like your rabbit!"

"His name's Bun-Bun! He's so special, my grandmother made him!"

Everyone stared at them.

Kyo choked out, "This…is…so…"

"_Freaky,"_ finished Haruhi.

Blonde hair; childish demeanors; older than they actually looked; and an attachment to rabbits.

"Um…are you sure Momiji-kun wasn't born with a twin?" Tohru whispered to Yuki.

"_No_," Hiro snapped, eyes wild. "We do _not_ need two of _him!_"

With a touch of impatience in the set of his shoulders, Kyouya marched to the middle of the room. "It's nice that we're getting to know each other, but we should start moving now if we want to finish seeing the first half of campus before lunch—"

"Kyou-chan!"

Kyouya sighed. "_Yes_, Hunny-senpai?"

"You said we had to get all the girls in their school clothes?"

"Yes, which really should've happened about _twenty minutes ago_—"

"But they're not all here!"

Kyouya blinked, then scanned the faces before him, taking roll in his head. _ Tohru Honda, Saki Hanajima, Arisa Uotani, Kisa Sohma—what?!_

He was shocked at such a gross oversight.

_Isuzu Sohma isn't here._

"Don't worry." Haru stood at one of the huge windows overlooking the central courtyard. "She's here."

Everyone rushed to see the last Sohma arrive (with the exception of Hana, who seemed to glide over, never going at anyone's pace but her own, and Uo, who was still unhappily tied up). They were just in time to see a willowish figure slam the door to a small green car.

"Guess she got Kagura to drive her," Kyo muttered to Yuki. "Kagura's college courses start about this time."

"_Gomen_, Kyouya-san," Haru said. "It looks like you're schedule's really screwed up now. If Rin goes the same route we did, it'll take her forever to get up here."

"We'll have to give her a shortcut."

Dead silence.

"…_.What?"_ Yuki spoke softly.

Kyouya turned to Hunny. "_Senpai_, could you please meet Isuzu-san and escort her to the music room? Elevator A3 should be fastest. The code number's 11590 today."

"Sure thing!"

"I'll come too!" Momiji piped up. The group's hair and clothes were whipped back as the two screeched away at warp-speed.

Kyouya turned to find Kyo's face inches from his, a vicious pair of fire-hued eyes stabbing into his gaze so fiercely he thought his eyeglasses might crack.

"You mean we spent a couple _lifetimes_ walking here…when there were…elevators?"

"Exercise never hurt a healthy person."

"_Elevators?"_

"I sense hostility. Perhaps I should take your blood pressure?"

"_Elevators?!?!"_

"You have a vein right near your temple that's throbbing quite astonishingly."

"WHAT GOES _ON _ IN YOUR FRICKIN' MIND?!"

"The downfall of nations," Haruhi said in all seriousness. He gently pushed Kyo to the side and out of Kyouya's face. "And the demise of a few major world religions if he ever gets in a really bad mood."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

BAM.

"We brought her, we brought her!"

"Rin's here!"

The Ouran boys (Tamaki, Kyouya, Mori and the twins) all stared at Isuzu "Rin" Sohma; the picture in her file didn't do her justice.

The tall Amazon standing silently in the doorway had legs a mile long, a straight waterfall of hair tumbling down in thick raven ropes, and jet eyes with astonishing starburst in the middles.

She wore the uniform of her old school the displayed subtle curves. The short skirt showed off black socks that came just above her knees and killer black heels that had even Kyouya and Mori fighting the impulse to sit up and beg.

"Rin accidentally slept late," Momiji chuckled.

"I_ intentionally_ slept late," Rin's dark, rich voice corrected. "Thank Kagura for forcing me here."

"I'm surprised Kagura was capable of making you do anything," Yuki called out. Rin's stubborn streak was infamous among the Juunishi.

Starburst eyes crossed his face. "She was especially_ boarish_ this morning."

Haru finally gave in to temptation; he turned his head from the window to glance sidelong at Rin. "All hail the dark angel," he whispered.

"All hail Our Lady of Sex Appeal!" Hikaru and Kaoru chorused. They hadn't even tried to keep from panting.

"Oh, such _chaste _waves," Hana sighed.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Yuki, Kyo, Haru, Tohru, and Haruhi were left at the window to survey the chaos: ever-unruffled Rin was now faced with suave Tamaki and the love-struck brothers as her welcome party. Kisa was giggling at the sight of Hiro getting more and more irritated with the duo of hyper Momiji and Hunny. Kyouya and Mori were searching through a chest in the corner for the girls' uniforms, and were tossing out questionable things such as a pirate costume, two lab coats, several kimonos, some sort of tropical tribal king costume, a tin suit of armor, a police uniform, and a disturbing amount of ball gowns.

Hana slid Arisa's chair over to them, then knelt behind her to loosen her hands. "This was a nice change, I think. I would normally be ignoring algebra class at this moment."

"You can't be serious," Haruhi exclaimed. "What they did was wrong, and again, I apologize for them; I hope you won't press charges. As soon as they're busy attending to the Sohmas, I'll make sure you, Honda-san, and Uotani-san are taken back to Kaibara High."

Arisa drew her hands before her, rubbing her chafed wrists. "Naw, I'm with Hana; we have every right to go, but the Prince and Orangey are stuck here with the rest. I say that we three stay and see exactly what they're up against."

"That's not necessary, Uo-chan," Yuki protested.

"Actually, I'm worried about you all as well. These boys aren't giving me a very good impression," Tohru fretted. "Have you read their waves yet, Hana-chan?"

Haruhi looked puzzled, so Haru filled him in. "Hanajima can sense waves coming off people, and can read their auras. You can't hide your true nature from her."

Haruhi gulped and tried to casually look out the window, away from Hana.

"They vary," Hana replied, black nails picking at the knots anchoring Arisa's left ankle. "Ohtori-san's waves are cunning and calculating, suggesting a super-intelligence."

"So he's the mad scientist?" Arisa drawled cuttingly. "He _looks_ like he keeps a couple Frankensteins cooped up in the back."

Hana shook her head. "Cunning doesn't necessarily equate to evil. It's faint—very faint—but there's a thread of warmth escaping his aura. A single thread." She looked troubled. "It must have taken years of practice to keep nearly all of it locked up, if even I can only go so far past his surface."

Yuki and Tohru paled, thinking identical thoughts: _So…he has a box too? A lid he can't—won't—open?"_

"Morinozuka-san looks immovable, but I sense a great gentleness about him. Likewise, Haninozuka-san appears simple and childish, but with his light there is also a complexity…much like Momiji-kun. The twins…are close…" She paused, her gaze narrowing as though the waves were giving her very faint print to read. "But there's turmoil. A struggle to stay together, a struggle to be apart."

"And Suoh-san?" Yuki prodded.

"A sadness," Hana answered. "A heartache. A sacrifice." She looked over at Tamaki, chatting amiably with Kyouya, who looked vaguely interested. "In that, they are alike. Suoh-san made one sacrifice; Ohtori-san did so continually. But both have been affected long-term. It's part of what binds their strong friendship."

"You're joking," Kyo quipped. "Close buddies? Ohtori looks like he could eat Suoh alive and smile."

"They're alike where it counts."

Haruhi could've sworn Hana's gaze actually touched the younger's averted cheek, actually brushed through the aura.

"And you…" She smiled kindly. "…are quite interesting."

Haruhi sighed when she said no more.

"Your verdict?" Yuki prodded.

The empath's owlish gaze looked up to his, the wise vizier advising her prince. "They are trustworthy. Although I must warn you—the twins and Suoh-san have something in common."

"Yes?"

"They're idiots."

The others simultaneously sweatdropped.

"FAIR LADIES!"

The group at the window turned to see Tamaki tottering around, juggling several gargantuan bundles of canary yellow cloth. "We finally found your lovely uniforms!"

"Oh m-my," Tohru stuttered. "We're going to drown in a sea of dresses!"

"Oh my God," Arisa grumbled, primed for a fight. "If this keeps up, I'll swear my tongue off by noon."

"Never fear, Arisa," came Hana's ominous breath. "If he makes either of us wear such an obscenely cheerful color, I will just have to make the voices come."

Kyo and Haruhi paled. _"The voices?"_

Haru started when Yuki tugged the bag of candy from his hand. "I didn't know you had a sweet tooth."

"I don't," Yuki sighed, popping some sweets in his mouth. "But I have a feeling that if I want to get through this day with my sanity intact, I'll need a massive sugar high."


	5. Chapter 5: Uniform Quibbles

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Hatori Bisco and Natsuki Takaya, etc.

**Chapter Five: Uniform Quibbles**

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Sheherazade's Blah Blah Blah**

On a random note: character names. I know they're mainly referred to as Hana-chan and Uo-chan, but in narration, I'll probably slip into calling them Hana and Arisa—very pretty names, especially Arisa.

At the time I'm making this, volume 15 of Furuba has come out. As a rabid fan, I plan on getting it and seeing if any of the latest material will affect some of my ideas for this fanfic. I know there are scanlations out there, but I don't like reading them; there's just something special about reading your own copy of a book (or manga) for the first time, in your own hands. It's a pity none of the local stores sell copies of Ouran.

P.S.My apologies on not updating sooner. **Please, please,** **please **review! Doesn't have to be a long thing; just a note as to whether you liked it or not. And **many thanks** to all those who have reviewed!

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

Hikaru and Kaoru had plopped down on the sofa and pulled a bowl of popcorn seemingly out of nowhere, settling in quite comfortably to see just how badly Lord Tamaki was going to screw up negotiations with the Kaibara girls.

"But this is the standard uniform. It's a must that all of you wear these!" He swept one of the large yellow dresses into his arms, waltzing gracefully with it around Arisa. "Beautiful garb for beautiful young women!"

"All right, Blondie, heads up." Tamaki finally quit dancing when Arisa tugged the dress from his embrace. She tossed it disdainfully over her shoulder. "I'm no fashionista. Basically, I have one rule when it comes to clothes: If it makes me look like a fruitcake, **I ain't wearing it**."

"Will there be blood, d'you think?" Hikaru snickered to his brother.

Kaoru's eyes took on a sly glint. "Oi, _Senpai_!"

Kyouya ceased scribbling on his clipboard. "What are you up to now, Kaoru-kun?"

"So suspicious," he chuckled. "You want to make a bet? Who will kill _Tono _first, eh?" Kaoru stuck a hand inside his blazer and tossed a thick wad of cash onto the coffee table next to the sofa. "I say the yankee decks him."

Another roll of money met the first. "No, I think the goth will fry his brains with her mind powers first," Hikaru said nonchalantly. "Wait—" Incredibly, he tossed another large handful of dough into the pile. "It's either the goth, or Milady Sexiness." Rin was standing near Arisa, starburst gaze eyeing the frilly sunshine-colored confections with a sub-arctic expression. "With those looks, she could slay _Tono_ with a glare. Isn't that right, Sohma-hime?" he called.

Rin finally looked over her shoulder at the fawning freshman.

"Hah! I was a lady-killer in a past life, Kaoru! Look! Those gorgeous eyes! She's looking right at—**DAH!!**"

Rin's schoolbag met Hikaru's face with uncanny accuracy.

"Don't call me _princess_, you presumptuous little boy."

Hikaru pried the bag off his face, only to hear his brother suppressing snickers.

"Yeah…_kmpf_…lady-killer…_kuhrk kmpk_….BAH HA HA!"

Kaoru found Hikaru's fist gripping his collar. "SHUT IT!"

"You could _help_ Tamaki-kun," Kyouya said pointedly, resuming his scribbles.

The twins left off their fighting and snorted. _"Naaaaawwww!"_

Haruhi glared at the slowly unfolding cash on the table—money that would probably pay her apartment's water and electric bills for a couple months.

"_Damn— rich— _**bastards**_."_

"My God, that would pay Shigure's water and electric for a _months_."

She turned see Yuki Sohma staring incredulously at the Hitachiins' bets. "You look surprised to see that much money," she commented. Surely one of the fabulously wealthy Sohmas would see such fortune tossed around daily, a thought that disgusted and saddened her. While she had come to appreciate the talents of the Ouran boys, had even learned to grow fond of them, it still frustrated her to no end when she saw such carelessness with privilege, particularly from the twins.

_If they could afford to come to Ouran, I should've expected this Sohma clan to be the same,_ Haruhi thought sorrowfully.

"I am surprised," Yuki replied, "in fact, I'm shocked! They really carry that much money on themselves? And they're using it on a silly bet?" He shook his gray head. "Absolutely unbelievable."

It took a second for her to realize that she was smiling. "After a while in this school," she said, crossing her arms comfortably, "words like 'unbelievable' become synonymous with 'normal.' "

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Meanwhile, it looked like Kaoru was going to win the bet.

"Come anywhere near me again with that thing and I will _not_ be responsible for my actions!" Arisa yelled.

Tamaki was finally losing patience. "It's very beautiful!" he snapped. "You are beautiful! _ So wear it!_"

"You're very beautiful too."

"Oh, why thank you, _hime_—"

"SO YOU WEAR IT!"

Temples were throbbing and the fangs were out.

"Um, um, Uo-chan please," Tohru begged, waving her arms, "I'm mean, the dresses aren't _that_ bad." Trying to keep things civil, Tohru had started to climb into a dress. "I mean…yes, it's a bit big, and—_urk!_—the collar chokes a tad…Oh dear, what_ is_ in this lace, it's so scratchy—_I mean it's incredibly nice please Uo-chan don't kill Suoh-san I beg of you!!!"_

"Arisa."

The two blondes—one wringing her male combatant by the tie, the other on his knees, but still gallantly fighting his noose—stopped.

Hana looked down at purple-faced Tamaki. "I will wear the uniform."

"HUH?!"

"EHH?!"

"WHAT?!" the Sohmas chorused.

_"ARIGATOU!"_ Tamaki flung himself prostrate at Hana's feet and proceeded to kiss her shoes.

"But only if it's black."

"……"

"That can be arranged," Kyouya said lightly.

Mori stepped forward, carrying an Ouran dress with far less frills, a thinner skirt, and was pure, jet black. Hana accepted it with a small rare smile that, surprisingly, had Mori giving a rare smile back.

"The handbook states that students must wear uniforms prepared by the school tailors, but nowhere does it state that all uniforms made by said tailors must be identical. I simply asked them to make a few variations once I learned of your Victorian Gothic preferences, Hanajima-san. Also, it never says that the uniforms are assigned genders, therefore—"

Hunny leapt up to Arisa with a blue boy's blazer and a long white tanktop.

"Uotani-san can wear that along with her Kaibara uniform skirt. I'm not sure what to do about Isuzu-san—"

Rin walked over to her bookbag, took some scissors and knee-high, high-heeled black boots out of it, snatched up a dress, and walked across the room to a curtained-off corner. Everyone looked at each other apprehensively, listening to her snipping and slicing.

When she flung back the curtain, the skirt no longer puffed out and was up to her knees, the sleeves had been sliced to her elbows, and the twins (predictably) looked bug-eyed at the boots covering her long legs.

Rin carelessly tossed her heels so they landed on the Hitachiins' heads. "This is fine."

"Whaaaa? Kyouya!" Tamaki whined. "Why didn't you speak up sooner? I've taken ten years off my life arguing with these women!"

"Ah, but how could that possibly be fun?" came the evil reply. "As for Honda-san, I have a present."

"Oh really?" Tohru's face lit up. "Don't tell me it's from you, Kyouya-san, we don't even know each other!"

_"And he better not get to know her!"_ Yuki and Kyo snarled.

"Actually, it's from a Sohma." Tohru gasped with delight as she was presented with the lovely yellow tea-party gown Mine Kuramae made Tohru wear on her and Yuki's first (and last) visit to his older brother's costume shop.

"I'll put it on right away!"

"From a Sohma, eh?" Haru asked. He popped another candy in his mouth. "Who?"

"When Shigure-san and Hatori Sohma-san were making arrangements for the girls, another cousin decided to make a contribution to the rebellion—"

Tohru flung back the curtain. "Oh, this is marvelous, it still fits!"

While Kyo's jaw hit the floor, Yuki smiled—with the gloves and Yuki's White Day ribbon in her now fully-unbraided hair, Tohru looked as radiant as she had on the day of the shop visit. "Adorable as ever, Honda-san."

"I admit, this is an improvement over the normal uniforms. But obviously, a special maiden," Tamaki said, plucking Tohru's gloved hand, "deserves a gown worthy of her luminescence." Tohru blushed and sweatdropped as Tamaki bowed and elegantly kissed her hand.

"Yo, hands off, Sissy Man!" Kyo bellowed, lunging forward. Haru and Hiro tackled him and sat on his back. "Gah, get off or I'll take both of you out too!"

Tohru startled at the sound of Hikaru and Kaoru's voices right behind her. She then stood still, befuddled at the sight of the twins rapid-fire inspecting every inch of her dress.

"Excellent workmanship," Hikaru murmured, examining her hem with a magnifying glass.

"Inexpensive, yet classy material," Kaoru chimed in, rubbing her sleeve.

"The brocade at the front—"

"The fluidity in the bodice—"

_"Who made this work of art?"_ the twins chorused.

Kyouya smirked. "Ayame Sohma."

"…..."

Haruhi choked. _You've got to be kidding—_

**"WHAT!?!? That crossdressing, commission-snatching drama-king?!"**

The twins rounded on Tohru. _"Take that off!"_

"Eh! Eh! But I couldn't possibly—"

_"You heard us! _**STRIP!**_"_

BAM.

The walls shook as Yuki and Kyo simultaneously whaled the brothers into the ground.

"You look wonderful, Tohru-kun," Hana's voice floated. She was already in the black Ouran dress. "Hmm…perhaps I should ask Ayame-san if he could make a duplicate of that in black."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

And so, finally—_finally_—they were out of the Third Music Room, and were launching the official tour of the Ouran Academy campus.

Kyouya was leading, pointing with his pen at and droning on about notable sites, and exchanging the occasional barb with Arisa—she seemed to have picked the Shadow King as most worthy of her venom.

Following was Kyo, who was keeping a defensive eagle eye on Tamaki, who had unwisely chosen wildly-blushing Tohru as particularly worthy of his attention. Next were Hunny and Momiji; they'd made up a game that appeared to be called the "Let's See How Close We Can Get to Hana-chan Without Getting Our Brains Scrambled by Poison Waves" game, a pastime Mori was trying his best to curb. Rin was striding along, seemingly oblivious to the hovering twins, who were comically flexing their muscles for the dark-maned object of their idolatry. Haruhi walked behind Yuki and Hatsuharu, and couldn't help but hear their conversation:

"So, it was _Sensei _and Tori-niisan."

"Shigure must have made Hatori pull strings I didn't know he had. We'll have to find a way to thank them for risking Akito's wrath, right after I wring Shigure's neck for frightening the girls like that."

"Those two have been negotiating their way around Akito for more years than we have; I wouldn't worry about them," came Hatsuharu's mellow reply. "What I'm worried about is this Ohtori guy."

"He is a rather scary fellow isn't he," Yuki murmured. "I can hardly believe he's my age; he looks more suited to the top floor of an evil corporate empire than a high school environment."

"Well, this isn't exactly your typical high school," Haru countered. "No, what I mean is: he's the one I saw spying on us down at the staircase."

Yuki whipped his head to look at him. "_What?_ You're absolutely sure?"

"Mmmhmm. Not to mention that kid's gotta be something special if our dear cousins contacted him directly, which I think they did." Haru fixed his fathomless stare on the back of Kyouya Ohtori's head. "If he can get them in here, he can take them out as he sees fit."

Yuki nodded. "We need to get the girls out of here—we need to get _Honda-san_ out of here. If Ohtori tells Akito for his own purposes, it's all over."

Haruhi was left to wonder just what Tohru Honda's relationship was with the Sohmas, and why they spoke of a member of their family with such fear.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

And on a last note, if anyone is wondering about my switching back and forth between calling Haruhi 'he' or 'she' in the chapters "Getting to Know You" and "Uniform Quibbles", "Know You" was mainly from the Furuba gang's perspective, while "Quibbles" is mainly seen through the Host Club's eyes. And if you think Tohru's dress is worse than the Ouran gowns…tough! You can obviously tell what my preferences are!

Thanks for reading, and please Review!


	6. Chapter 6: Foom, Foom

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Hatori Bisco and Natsuki Takaya, etc.

**Chapter Six: Foom, Foom**

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Sheherazade's Blah Blah Blah**

I know it's not much of an excuse, but various things (school, writer's block) have caused delay. I swear there won't be months between chapters six and seven. My apologies! I hope this chapter renews interest in this piece of writing. **Foom, Foom** is mainly to get things moving rather than laughs, but hopefully you'll find some light moments!

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

Kisa made a sorrowful face as her tongue lapped a last drop of liquid from her bottle. "Hiro…chan?"

Hiro, panting from exhaustion, had an arm around her waist, propping them both up. "Hmm…Kisa?"

"Do you think we could sneak back to that…convenience store we passed…by the Eighth Star Observatory? We need more water…"

Hiro heaved a sigh. "That was the fifteenth store; chances are, we'll pass by a sixteenth soon."

He glanced around at their group. With Kyouya Ohtori setting a grueling pace to make up for their late start, the tour had taken them through a shocking third of the Ouran campus. Unsurprisingly, the Sohmas were dead on their feet. Mori-senpai was patiently coaching a drooping Momiji, Kyo was steadying Tohru, and Haru was quietly asking Yuki if his breathing condition was acting up.

The other Ouran students were talking amongst themselves, trying to decide if they dared ask Kyouya to slacken his pace. "After all," Kaoru pointed out, "if they collapse, Kyouya-senpai will be put even more behind schedule, right?"

"You're making very good sense, Kaoru-kun," Tamaki pronounced, stroking his chin sagely. "Kyouya respects wise, sensible people."

"_Arigatou, Tono_," he exclaimed, looking very pleased as he turned and stuck his tongue out at his more hot-tempered twin.

"Therefore, _you_ get the honor of persuading Kyouya!"

"_Arigatou, Ton_—WHA?! Wait, no—!!!"

Kaoru found himself up on by Tamaki, Hikaru, and Hunny, and catapulted right behind Kyouya. He turned to find Haruhi shrugging sympathetically, and the others giggling at his misfortune. After giving his brother a deathly "I'll-make-sure-I'm-an-only-child-soon" look, he braced himself.

"Cowardly _Tono_…stupid Hikaru…ehh, _Senpai_?"

Kyouya was ruthlessly marching, partially because he was annoyed at his fouled-up schedule, but also due to a certain miffed maiden who was definitely not bothering to be ladylike in her opinion of him.

"—and if you're so against my personality, Uotani-_san_, there is _nothing_ saying you have to be up here with me."

"I don't like being led blindly," Arisa said cuttingly. "I wanna make damn sure you're not leading us to some cavern, Dracula."

He didn't even deign to look at her, but raised his clipboard yet again to jot down some mysterious observation. "I assure you, there are no caverns on Ouran grounds."

"If there are _five sushi bars _on Ouran grounds, anything's possible!"

Kaoru cleared his throat loudly. "Um, 'scuse me, _Senpai_?" He gulped under the Shadow King's gaze and the Yankee's glare. "We—that is, me, and _Tono_, and Hikaru, and Haruhi—uh, were wondering if—because you see, we don't know if you realize, but—"

"Complete sentences sometime before Christmas would be wonderful, Kaoru."

"Eh, yes..._Senpai_, we were wondering if we could slow down a bit." He glanced back. "Unless you can drum up some camels, carrying our dehydrated peers will send us to snail-speed in record time."

Arisa snorted. "What, you're saying there isn't a Rent-a-Camel setup around here? I'm shocked!"

"Nope," Kaoru quipped, "no such thing; it'd be preposterous, _Hime_."

_A moment of sanity_, the blonde thought with a heavy sigh.

"Although it would be nice, since the pack-mules have been sick for the past week."

"Yeah, the pack—" She stopped to stare deadpan at him. "You did not just say that."

Kyouya finally deigned to look at the straggling Sohma pack, then flicked his gaze to his wristwatch. "Ahh…I suppose we could afford a respite. It's noon, and we haven't yet shown them the cafeteria, so a lunchbreak is in order."

"_Did you hear that, my bedraggled, befuddled, bespectacled—_oh no, that's Kyouya, nevermind_—bemused companions!"_ Tamaki crowed. "I, your second-in-command tour guide, have won for you the privilege of resting your weary frames in the comfort of our culinary paradise, also known as the cafeteria! I've wrested from Kyouya's miserly grasp your right to feast upon—"

"SCREW YOU!"

Tamaki's jaw hit the tiled floor. He could only make strange sputtering noises as Kyo and Haru fell upon Kaoru, hoisted the amused boy onto their shoulders, and proceeded to carry him off in royal fashion.

"We didn't see _you_ stepping up to bat for us," Kyo continued with a sneer.

With the promise of food, the entire group found hidden strength and put on speed, leaving Tamaki to catch up as he sulked (with supreme and utmost dignity) in his Corner of Woe.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Ohhhhh **hell**."

Kyo and Haru, still carrying Kaoru, stood stock still within the cafeteria entrance.

It was a richly designed place, fitting in with the rest of the building. Plenty of tables, vast and spacious, elaborate architecture, and the smells wafting from the kitchen promised lunchtime delights.

_And it seemed every inch was packed with people of both sex._

Kyo started when orange spikes and big, curious upside-down eyes swung into his vision. "Eh, something wrong, fellas?" Kaoru queried.

"Uh, don't suppose there's off-campus lunch, huh?"

"No…but trust me, they serve gourmet-class food here. Why would you want leave?"

Haru eyed a pack of yellow-clad, heart-eyed girls goggling at them from a nearby table, hurriedly checking their makeup and flexing their greedy, clawed fingers. "I can think of a few reasons."

As they let Kaoru down, Hikaru pushed through the Sohmas. "Oi, what's the holdup? Get in line before they run out of _roast lamb_!"

Hiro's hair stood on end, his head bowed to hide his now pitch-black face. _"I'll roast _you_, you sonuva—"_

"Haru-niisan," Kisa said uncertainly, "Hiro-chan's eyes are glowing…"

Unfazed, Hatsuharu jammed a candy into Hiro's mouth. "Find your happy place, kid."

_"Gggggfflurrkk!!"_ Hiro coughed it out, launching into a royal spaz. "It still has the wrapper on it, ignoramus! Did you think I was too stupid to read the signals of _'plastic'_ my tastebuds were sending me? Or did you just assume I'm so fantastic I can unwrap a candy with my tongue alone, eh? Such assumptions could land you in court fighting charges of attempted manslaughter by asphyxiation—_ggggfffrrrpp!_"

"There, I gave you an unwrapped one." Haru lightly shoved the younger boy's head. "It'll be a while before you're big enough to toss threats at me, little lamb, so don't go talking about lawsuits just yet."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

The Ouran boys showed them where their usual table was, and left the Sohmas and the Kaibara girls to their own devices for food, as Kyouya had lunch accounts set up. Despite having to keep their jaws attached to their heads when they got a good look at the extravagant menu, the lunchtime routine was relatively, blessedly, familiar.

Rin finally ended up grabbing a bowl of soup. It hadn't been that long since her most recent hospitalization, but surely she could manage some broth and small vegetables. Having had hours of time in her cousins' and the Ouran gang's company, and knowing many more joy-filled hours were to come, her gaze roved around, trying to find some quiet, secluded corner.

She hadn't taken five steps when a man's chest blocked her view. She didn't dare lock eyes, but hoped he saw her gaze ice over in warning.

"Move, Haru."

"I realized I hadn't said 'Good morning' to you yet, Rin." His gray eyes were unreadable.

"One, it's past noon. Two, now you've said it. _Move_."

He didn't. "We have to stick together; don't try to go off on your own. You don't even have to sit anywhere near me, but please." Haru's brow furrowed. "If you learned to tolerate their…energy…"

Rin silently snorted.

"…you could learn to love your own cousins."

She finally kicked her gaze up, surprised. Where had that come from?

"It wouldn't be a crime, Rin."

_Ah, but who would want love from a twisted heart?_

"Speaking of matters of affection," she hissed, "I'm surprised you're having such a 'good morning.' Why haven't you gone Black with those drooling carrot-tops hounding my every step?"

With a sway of her hips and mile-long legs, she moved to pass—only to have Haru's forearm placed like an iron bar across her waist, his large hand on her left hip.

"Don't insult me," came his warm breath in her ear, "by putting those infatuated boys in the same league as your lover, Stardust."

Fear shot through her as she sensed a melting in a part of her heart she swore she'd keep on deep-freeze. "You're not my lover."

"Aren't I?" He tenderly kissed her temple.

Rin shivered and shoved his arm aside. "Hatsuharu," her venomous voice said softly, "you can be such an ass."

"An ox, love," Haru corrected gently, "an ox."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Momiji was ever the inquisitive little rascal. Being the Rabbit, he had the tendency to hop and bound to wherever he fancied, a habit that sometimes…

"HEY!"

…got him into trouble.

"Momiji," Yuki told the younger boy sternly, "we had a talk about 'self-control', didn't we?"

"Yes, Yuki, but there's so much to look at!" Momiji chuckled. "I'll go get some food now, be right back!" And with that, he skipped away from the row of tables the Ouran-Kaibara party occupied.

_That's just the problem_, Yuki thought darkly. _You're not looking where you leap, or at who's _watching_ you leap._

The whispers from the surrounding tables confirmed it.

"_Isn't he just_ daaaarling..._"_

"…_so cute, I wanna cuddle him so badly…"_

"…_try to talk with him…"_

"…_and they're so_ hot! _His brothers, maybe…"_

_"…mmm, look at those two bad boys! Dangerous like Mori-sama…"_

_"…so gentle and princely-looking, like Tamaki-sama!"_

_"…never seen hair long as hers. Think the dark-eyed chick's single?"_

The last comment was from a boy, whose life expectancy had just plummeted if Haru had heard him, Yuki thought with a wince.

Had he known what to truly worry about, he would have dragged Momiji back, and ordered Hiro to stay put.

Momiji found himself walking beside Haruhi, who he'd immediately liked. "Going for seconds, Haruhi-kun?" They shifted into a crowd trying to line up, Momiji carefully keeping a few boys between him and any "canaries."

"I always have a lunch box, but it's been an especially nerve-wracking day," Haruhi sighed, "so I decided, what the heck, I'll splurge on _otooro_…"

On the opposite side of the room, Hiro leaned against a wall and sighed.

"Do you wish to talk?"

Hiro jumped out of his skin. "HUH?!" _God, they creep up on people the same way too! _He hadn't needed Hana's name to know who she was; black clothes, a macabre aura, and dark eyes that could drill holes through diamonds at ten paces. She probably didn't know it, but her brother, Megumi Hanajima, was in Hiro's class. And boy, did he regret it!

"You've been anxious and frustrated since you entered this place," Hana murmured quietly, settling herself a few feet from Hiro.

"I got pulled out of my school with no warning to be stuck in this place with my teenage cousins. No, I feel so happy I could sing, tra-la-la," he deadpanned. His sharp brown glare, remarkably foxlike, didn't faze the older girl.

"You're not yet thirteen, Hiro-san?"

"I am, but I'm not a teenager," he grumbled. "I haven't completely lost my marbles yet."

Hana's lips quirked in a tiny grin. "They can be very unbalancing," she agreed. "But perhaps it's best to look on the brighter side of things."

Hiro stared at his black-haired, black-nailed, black-eyed, black-gowned senpai. "I bet you've got 'brightness' down to an art form, Hanajima_-sensei_." How he could say that with a straight face, he never knew.

"For example," Hana plowed on, ignoring him, "you don't have to actually attend class today; our escorts provide free entertainment;"—Hiro thought of Momiji and Hunny with a shudder—"and you get to spend hours with Kisa-san at your side."

"Yeah, I like that—" The boy's brain went through a split-second meltdown. In record time, his head resembled a brilliant red tomato. "_What the heck! _What's that supposed to mean—"

"And the food," Hana sighed. "The food is splendid…forget the European fodder, give me their _yakisoba, shougayaki, onigiri_…"

"Answer me, you black demoness!" he spat and sputtered. "How did you know about Ki—"

"_Yakiniku_…" Oblivious, her eyes slid unfocused as she thoughtfully touched her chin with a slender finger. "Their chefs are truly gods, to perfect such heavenly _yakiniku_…"

000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Two of the boys Momiji had maneuvered behind were having a disagreement.

"Whaddaya mean, yer dad pulled outta the deal? He signed a frickin' contract—"

"It was a mistake, what's bad for business is bad for business, frickin' contract or not—"

Haruhi's eyes widened. "Oh no, we better get out of the way," Haruhi muttered softly. He started nudging Momiji out of the thick line. "These are Class D people."

"Class D?"

"Kids from new money or children of the _yakuza_—"

"Yer costing my dad money all 'cause yers is a backstabbing—"

Fist slammed into jaw, sending a large male body slamming into Haruhi. Momiji grabbed his arm, trying to pull them away, but ended up getting tangled with several others in the middle of the_ yakuza_ sons' brawl.

Hiro and Hana were directly opposite on the right side of the cafeteria, looking on in shock. "Wait here," Hiro finally blurted, "Kyo and Haru have been in fights, they should be handy."

He never made it; two boys running for help knocked Hana aside. All Hiro saw was a mass of black hair and lace ramming his chest.

_"God no—"_

**FOOM.**

Smoke burst forth, sending all eyes away from the fight to the other wall.

From the group tables, Tohru gasped, "Kyo-kun, that's where Hiro-san was!"

Kyo slammed his fist down. "Damn, of course this'd happen!"

**FOOM.**

More smoke flew up; eyes switched back to the fight. Startled screams, chairs skidding, and tables crashing echoed through the room as the smoke spread and rose.

Kyouya and Tamaki leapt atop their table.

"Everyone, remain calm! The school task force will be here soon!" Tamaki called.

"Sohmas, in an emergency like this, it's best to stay here, the school has its own security."

Ya right, Kyo thought. "Yuki," he yelled above the din, "get Hiro; me and Haru'll drag Momiji outta there!" Baring his teeth, he yanked on Haru's arm, then started rolling up his sleeves as he ran.

Arisa bolted the opposite way despite Tohru's pleas. "I'm going after Hana!"

"Stay put! That means _you_, Kyo-san, Haru-san! Hell, Uotani-san!" Kyouya bit out imperiously, only to be ignored. His glasses nearly flew off when he found Tamaki had seized his arm and was dragging him off the table after the wayward pair. "Tamaki, what the hell—"

_"Haruhi was over there!"_

Dammit, was there no end! Broken vases, jealous clients, pool security, beachside thugs… "Only a commoner," Kyouya seethed. "Only a commoner!"

The doors opened with gunshot slams. Helmeted men decked in bulletproof jackets and guns poured in, yelling for the students to stay calm and stop moving while they secured the area.

Tohru whirled to stare wide-eyed at Mori. "What in the world's going on?!"

"Terrorist procedures."

"WHAT?!"

Hunny popped up from Mori's back. "They're putting Ouran under lockdown," he piped. "There's fighting, plus no one knows what the puffs of smoke were, so they're assuming the worst—mean guys with a political agenda and really bad attitudes!"

_Oh no no no! _she thought in a panic._ Security thinking they're terrorists, and Kyo-kun and Haru-kun after them—oooh, I have to do something!_

Lamb-like Tohru's eyes suddenly burned with fire. "I have to go after Kyo-kun and Hatsuharu-kun! My mother was a reformed yankee, she would never have feared security! Mother, lend me strength! _I am the daughter of the Red Butterfly! _**HYYYAAAAAA!!!**" Arms swinging wildly, she plunged into the fray.

"Honda-san!" Yuki launched after her.

Slightly shell-shocked at how animated everything had become, the Hitachiins stood quietly with the rest of their confused group.

Kaoru raised an orange brow. "Well…can't say this was a boring day, eh Hikaru?"

Hikaru slung an arm around his younger twin's neck. "No, this just became entertaining indeed."

0000000000000000000000000

Look at the pretty button. Doesn't the button look pretty? The button wants you to press it. Please press the pretty button….


	7. Chapter 7: Divided But Unconquered

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Hatori Bisco and Natsuki Takaya, etc.

**Chapter Seven: Divided But Unconquered**

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

Rin caught the back of Yuki's blazer before he could vanish after Tohru. "I'll get Hiro!"

The din in the cafeteria was mounting to ear-splitting volume. _"What?"_ he bellowed.

_"I'll get Hiro! Get the Honda girl, then help Haru and Kyo!"_ she yelled in his face. _"Get them out! If security keeps us crammed in here, there's no way we can keep from transforming!"_

"C'mon, Yun-chan, follow me, I need a workout anyway!" Hunny launched himself off a table, planted his hands on Mori's back, and somersaulted over the heads of the crowd, Yuki in pursuit. "Guard the ladies, Takashi!"

Rin snatched Kisa's hand and turned to the remainder of the party. "Make sure no one runs into us!"

In unison, Hikaru and Kaoru cut a smart salute. _"Hitachiin Advance Guard, Milady!"_ they cried, snapping their heels together.

With Mori plowing through people like a combine machine at the head, the girls in the middle, and the twins defending the sides_—"Make way, royalty coming through!"—"Oi, vacate space, slowpoke!"—_they raced off.

000000000000000000000000000000000000

It would figure, Kyo seethed inwardly, that the cocksure _yakuza_ boys would drag into their fight the one guy capable of killing them all now and laughing over their corpses later.

When the first two boys started swinging, the entourage of each had to get their punches in. The fight spread, upending chairs and sending weaker fighters flying across tables.

And Haru—electric-white-haired, dangerously dressed, tough and lanky Haru—was immediately mistaken by each side as the other's lackey.Before they knew what hit them, Haru was ripped from Kyo's side and given a swift uppercut.

And with his loud, attention-grabbing orange hair, Kyo was obviously _somebody's_ tough-guy.

"A little help, Haru!" Kyo bellowed, cutting down three thugs with a few well-placed chops and kicks. Sure, they hadn't been trained since grade school in martial arts, but still.

"Sorry cuz, I'm having my own fun!" Hatsuharu's normally dreamy, silver-gray eyes had taken on the sheen of steel; his mouth was twisting, not in a vague smile, but in a savage parody of it.

'Black Haru' was surfacing. Heart kicking wildly, Kyo shoved his way to him "Haru, don't you dare!"

_Don't snap, don't snap—_

Two boys were caught across the stomach and sent soaring, flying through the crowd, knocking fighters down like bowling pins. A chair followed suit, minus a leg; Haru kept it, wielding the wooden stake.

"COME ON, SUCKERS," he roared, whipping his blazer off, "BRING ME A CHALLENGE!"

Oh yeah, the kid had snapped. Kyo grabbed the nearest thing he could find and rammed it into the back of the young berserker's head.

"Haruhi, my child, where are you! Come to Daddy's voice, Haru—oh!" In the crush of battlers, Kyo came nose-to-nose with the idiot Suoh boy. "Just out of curiosity, why were you bludgeoning your kinsman with a lunch tray?"

"Long story, just help me carry him!"

Somehow, Yuki lost track of Hunny and ended up shoved with his cousins and Tamaki against a wall. Before Kyo could fully rip into him—_"What part of 'GET HIRO' didn't you understand?!"—_Yuki repeated Rin's warning. "She's right, staying here will blow our cover!"

Tamaki wasn't listening to a word, but scanning around and grabbing random people. "Dammit, has anyone seen him! Please, have you seen Haruhi Fujioka—" He suddenly jolted. "Kyouya! He was right behind me—Kyouya! _Kyouya!"_

Yuki seized Tamaki. "We're getting out. Momiji probably took him and ran for safety!"

_Please, please let me be telling the truth…_

000000000000000000000000000000000000

The cafeteria doors had been bolted. Two shamefaced guards had been posted on the outside. ("The hell do you mean, you didn't stay and cover the doors? The hell with all rookies, did I hire a pair of numbskulls who let culprits waltz out the building!")

The culprits hadn't fled the building, but hopped and trotted to a vacant hallway.

Hiro hastily punched his arms through his blazer sleeves. "We're going to catch hell from the others for this."

"Accidents happen, and Hana-chan couldn't have seen," Momiji replied, voice muffled as his slipped on his undershirt. "What happened to everyone?"

"Isuzu-nee came for me with, Kisa, the demon twins, and the big guy. She yelled for me to get out." Hiro's chest felt odd. She needn't have gone to such lengths; did this show Rin's concern for his well-being, just like Hiro had shown his with hospital visits? "They got pushed away, but Kisa saw me too, behind my pillar; she stopped to grab my clothes for me. They were by the doors when I made it outside."

"Where's she now?" the blonde said quickly.

"Last I saw, with Goth-Girl and the Yankee." Hiro sighed. "We need to move before any of the Gestapo wanders by, but I have no idea where the others would go—"

"Where's Yuki?" Momiji's voice became urgent. "Or Kyo, or maybe Haru?"

"Uh, no—"

Momiji grabbed his hand and took off. "We need to find them, they need to be warned!"

Hiro stumbled and stuttered, "A-about what? And didn't you hear, we never setup a meeting spot—"

"Our best bet is the Third Music Room!"

000000000000000000000000000000000000

It was amazing, Kisa observed firstly, how fear can vanish once you have something else to capture your attention.

It was amazing, Kisa observed secondly, how comforting and warm Hana's hand was as she was led along.

It was amazing, Kisa observed thirdly, how loud, passionate, and disturbingly imaginative Arisa could be when dispensing threats.

"By the spirits of my ancestors, I swear I'll scoop out your pox-ridden heart with a dull spoon and stomp on it when I do a jig on your grave, you four-eyed bastard!"

Kyouya had forced the battle-ready girl out of the room. Presently, he had her back pressed against his front as he carried her, one arm tight around her waist, the other strapped across her chest to pin her arms. He was grateful things had worked out thus; if they'd been front-to-front, her kicking legs would have wasted no time in connecting with his groin, an unpleasant thought indeed.

"—and if you don't get your arms off me, in the next five seconds you'll be begging me to send you to hell!"

She was shocked to find herself catapulted into Hana's arms.

"Now that we're a sufficient distance from the fray, I think it's safe to let you walk," came the cold assessment. "Staying in that chaos would have been fruitless, Uotani-san; to operate as one wishes, one has to be apart from the mayhem."

"Well, wise-guy, how do think we can see if the others are safe if they're _there_,"—she thumbed furiously behind them—"and we're _not_?"

They had escaped onto the grounds, near the maze. Kyouya summoned a mental map of Ouran, calculating the best route to where he knew all the host club members would meet…

Arisa glared crossly at the boy's back. _Stronger than he looks_, she thought grudgingly. "I say we just leave 'im, Hana—"

"No!" Kyouya bit out. "Or do you want to get yourselves lost? I'm trying to determine the best way—"

A distant pounding of footsteps killed his words. He grabbed Arisa's arm and dove into the maze entrance, motioning the other girls to follow. "They're searching the grounds!"

Kyouya kept up a silent sprint, navigating turns left, right, right, left, the high leafy hedges becoming green blurs…

"I can see wanting to get away from the ruckus," Hana said in a monotone, gliding calmly along as though they weren't running flat out, "but why avoid security? We're students, the ones to be protected, after all…"

"I avoid the cafeteria to keep from being a target," Kyouya replied. "If that smoke was the beginning of an attack on the students, I'm not about to stay with the herd and become part of a collective bulls-eye. I avoid security to keep from being a suspect."

He finally jogged to a halt. They were deep in the maze now, at a little alcove in the hedgework, a small stone table and bench surrounded by columns and topped by a little dome. Kyouya remembered discovering Tamaki and Haruhi here during an experiment with the commoner's game, hide-and-seek.

"It's not as ludicrous as you might think," he continued, stepping into the alcove. "There have been incidents in the past where the school's background checks have failed, enrolling people whose sole purpose is to spy on, kidnap, and/or assassinate a student."

Kisa squeaked. Arisa's eyes widened as she pushed back her hair. "They go after kids like that in their own _school?"_

"It's certainly easier to blend with a school crowd than break into a private estate," he said with a cool shrug. "Usually it's the Class D _yakuza_ who suffer such hazards of their parents' occupations, but they are some people in all the classes who are heirs to unethical companies, and will inherit titles with enemies attached."

Kyouya watched the blonde give a low whistle as she took a seat. "Guess being loaded isn't a complete cake-walk, huh?" She surprised him by appearing sincere.

He smirked. "You learn damn fast that the only thing in life that's a cake-walk _is_ a cake-walk," the third Ohtori son drawled, his words and cynical chuckle more suited to a man twice his age. He pulled out his notebook (the clipboard having been abandoned) and opened to a clean page.

"Here's a rough layout of the grounds and school," he said, rapidly sketching. "We're _here_, and we must reach _here_—south wing, top floor, north hallway. We need to figure out how to get through the ground floor, first…"

Kisa hopped inside and sighed, leaving it to Ohtori-senpai and _Oneechan_'s friends to decide the next course of action. Where was Hiro-chan, and _Oneechan_? Ohtori-senpai had kicked her mind into worried overdrive. She leaned over the stone table, her head on one arm as she absently traced her doll-like hand over a small carving in the center. Years had worn and faded it, but oddly enough, Kisa mused as her fingers pressed, it bore a striking resemblance to a cat's face…

"And you are certain they'll eventually meet there, Ohtori-san?"

"As sure as the compass needle is drawn to the North. My people know that if there's a school emergency, one haven they can always count on is the Third Music Room…"

The carving sunk in. Startled, Kisa jerked away just as a grinding sound started. The stone niche began rapidly twisting into the ground, causing the older kids to rise in panic.

"_What the—"_

With a resounding bang, they landed, the dome plugging out the sunlight. Blind and disoriented, they choked on dust and stale air. Hana and Arisa blinked when a beam of light pierced their faces. "I see Ohtori-san is ever prepared," Hana dryly stated, her otherworldly voice echoing, unconfined—at least whatever this place was wasn't some tiny pit.

"Miniature, high-powered, light-weight, waterproof flashlight," Kyouya replied just as demurely. "Recently acquired by the U.S. Navy Seals. Very amusing, the samples they give at certain business conventions."

The girls decided not to comment.

"Hey, where's Kisa?" Even with the beam, the darkness was overwhelming. "Kisa-chan, you all right?"

"_H-h-here."_

Arisa sighed in relief. "Oh sweetie," she said while stretching her hands, feeling her way to the younger girl, "thank God, I don't know what I'd have told Tohru—"

Kyouya batted her hand away—"_Hey!_ What's the deal!"—and shifted to block what must be Kisa's small form. "She may have a hurt leg; I'll carry her." His tone brooked no argument. He aimed the flashlight about, taking in the bricks that evidently reinforced the tunnel they'd stumbled upon. "Uotani-san, please hold the light; I'll have my hands full with Kisa-san…"

"Whatever." Arisa and Hana picked their way past Kyouya and began a slow march into the inkiness ahead. "You can stay at the back with Four-Eyes, Hana…"

"And what will you do if some sentient being lurks within here? For all your fighting prowess, you have a certain reliance on that light…" The ex-yankee swore she saw an electric spark dash past the empath's dark eyes. "But darkness does not hinder me…"

Meanwhile, Kyouya slipped off his blazer, tucking it around a small bundle of clothes and shoes.

"Not a sound, Kisa-san," he murmured. "I know this is my fault, but you'll have to bear with me a while more if we want to keep those two 'in the dark', pardon the pun. We don't want them listening to four small paws instead of two feet." Jewel-bright eyes blinked solemnly at him from the bundle when he lifted her.

"Me falling atop you…what damnable luck we have."

A short, trusting purr answered.

" '_I assure you, there are no caverns on Ouran grounds,' "_ Arisa's voice mockingly quoted from the front. "Doesn't_ this_ count?"

000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Swift but silent," Hunny hissed, a small finger pressed to his lips.

Tohru and Haruhi nodded. They were squeezed behind a pillar at the staircase where the _Juunishi_ kids had gathered that morning. A squad leader was giving some backup troops orders at the stairs' foot. The goal: Make it to the open doors, preferably without alerting them.

Or they'd get shot.

Slipping from pillar to pillar, Tohru was reminded painfully of her little adventure on the Sohma Estate. _Only there's no Kureno-san to cover for me!_

On the other hand, absurd thoughts were running through Haruhi's brain. _Why is the Mission Impossible theme stuck in my head?_

Maybe this was the result of a shell-shocked mind—she couldn't expect to see the impossible sight she'd seen and not come away unaffected…

"Oi, what are you doing?"

Hunny hustled them out the doors. "Run!"

"_Students on the loose! Repeat, students on the loose!"_

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Sheherazade's Blah Blah Blah**

Ok, not a lot of laughs, but hopefully the action flowed nicely! It's my first action chappie. It's hard to stick in a lot of slapstick stuff when you need to get things moving and you don't want your chapter to be really long. This is a double post, so mayhap that'll make up for it?

A **thousand thanks** for everyone who has reviewed, and added me to their favorites and alerts! Thank you, thank you, thank you! (bows repeatedly)


	8. Chapter 8:Heroics, Black Magic, & Family

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Hatori Bisco and Natsuki Takaya, etc.

**Chapter Eight: Heroics, Black Magic, and Family**

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

_"Students on the loose!"_

Tohru, and Haruhi, and Hunny plunged out the doors, the beautiful sunshine contrasting with the fact that roughly a dozen security men were chasing them down.

Yeah, just one of those days.

After a dizzying series of turns past several panda-shaped hedges, a statue featuring the goddess Athena, and a fountain with what looked curiously like lawn gnomes in the center, Hunny led them to a secluded side of the south wing. Yellow metal scaffolding was nearly pressed against it, towering impossibly high.

"I remember the roof was being repaired," Hunny chirped brightly. "The workers are having lunch, so it's all ours! Instead of climbing up from the inside, we can just get up on the top, and swing down into the Third Music Room! Doesn't it sound exciting!"

The miniature blonde grinned up at them, oblivious to their saucer-wide eyes.

"Um, I guess they're the experts, but couldn't they have rented some sort of lift?" Tohru squeaked. The wind picked up; the scaffold groaned, swaying ominously.

Hunny poked a fingertip in his mouth as he though, a habit picked up from licking frosting off countless cakes. "But…where's the fun in that?"

**"HARUHI!!"**

Tohru watched him freeze. "It can't be."

With a _wham,_ Haruhi hit the grass, buried under two orange-haired bundles of affection.

"Safe and unharmed, God heard our prayers!" Kaoru crowed exultantly, nuzzling the poor boy's face.

"Did you miss us, Little Toy?" Hikaru smirked impishly, poking Haruhi's cheek.

Haruhi simply looked resigned. "Why did I not know they'd find me?" he sighed.

"Takashi, Takashi!" Hunny leapt into Mori's arms.

Rin and Tohru were left staring at the exuberant reunions.

"It's official."

Tohru made a small, curious sound, gazing up at the icy beauty.

"I've been dumped on an alien planet," Rin said flatly, "and I want to get off."

"Well…at least the natives are friendly!" Tohru said cheerfully.

000000000000000000000000000000000000

Hunny bounced and vaulted higher and higher up the scaffolding, his hands on Rin's bottom so he could carry her over his little head.

_If he didn't have the mentality of a first-grader,_ Rin fumed, _he'd have my heel in his head for suggesting this._

How had it come to this? Oh, yes, there was no other way for her to make it without having to be carried in another boy's arms, or ride piggy-back; climbing solo would have been far too slow.

_And of course the damned zodiac couldn't have a_ winged _horse!_

Her thoughts flashed briefly to Kisa; when she dove out of the "Advance Guard's" safety to get Hiro's clothes, they'd be separated. Rin thought she saw Kyouya Ohtori appear, trying to shield the smaller girl. She hoped she saw right; Ohtori often flashed a chilling, mature version of Hiro's fox smile, but he and Mori appeared to be the only one of their guides with their heads firmly screwed on.

Crushed at "Sohma-hime's" refusal for help up the wall, the Hitachiins consoled themselves with tossing Haruhi (threatening and protesting loudly) back and forth between them. Mori took more care with Tohru, who tried to scold the twins, and was failing miserably.

Once on the roof, they couldn't go directly to the Third Music Room, because they wound up too far from that side of the sloping roof, and the windows themselves.

"They're all locked form the inside, so we'll need to smash one that lets us into a hallway", Hikaru explained, hoisting a length of rope plucked from the scaffold.

Tohru was unsure. "But I'm sure we could make it to the other side—"

"If we busted a Music Room window, Kyouya would make Haruhi pay damages."

"Why?"

"For the hell of it."

They didn't mention Haruhi's debt, but the way Kyouya tallied things, it was entirely plausible.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Renge Houshakuji gazed happily at the cosplay outfit she gladly skipped lunchtime to finish.

_I could eat three bowls of—no, I could eat a whole rice paddy!_

She finally decided on _Angelic Layer_ as her theme for the next convention. Squeezing her handmade Eriol Academy uniform, Renge twirled, staring at the blue and white clothes. She threw open the door of the classroom and decided to open the big window across the hall. Such celebration demanded unfiltered sunshine!

Renge flipped the lock and flung the window doors out. "I'm getting at least second place in the cosplay contest!" she squealed. The bouncing _otaku_ skipped joyfully down the hall—

"GAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Renge whipped around.

Nothing.

She shrugged, then resumed skipping away.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

In the empty classroom, Hikaru and Kaoru lay in a tangled pile of limbs, so stunned they barely groaned.

Hikaru twitched.

"Renge…_figures_…"

The rope they had swung from waved mocking in the window. From the roof, the twins could hear Haruhi calling, asking if they could start swinging in.

Kaoru dragged himself away from his brother, crawling on his elbows. "I dunno…at least there's no broken glass…"

"That damn _otaku_ rendered our act of heroism worthless!" Hikaru wailed in reply. "If I'm gonna swing myself off a roof into a window, I should at least get to break the glass for my trouble! DAMN—IT!"

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

At some point the tunnel had given way to a curving flight of steps. Arisa was still the leader with Hana beside her; she'd offered to hand the flashlight to Kyouya and take a turn carrying Kisa, but was refused.

"She who holds the flashlight rules the world," he'd replied, obviously trying to flatter.

"Any theories on who made this place and why? The tunnel looked manmade, and these steps sure are."

Kyouya combed his mind for his knowledge of the academy's history.

"Ouran was formally established around 1920, a mere fifty years after Japan was 'opened' and foreign learning was introduced. We underwent changes after World War II when the allied occupational government made educational reforms nationwide…but physically, there've been no changes. We've always had a European-influenced atmosphere; we've always used this campus. I think it was actually a private estate and then donated for use as a school, but I never found paperwork listing previous owners…"

Arisa sighed. Of course he'd have an encyclopedic account of Ouran's past in his head. Sure, knowledge was power, but how much power could this guy _need?_

_Some questions, you don't want answered_, she replied to herself. "Oi, Ohtori, you really don't have to carry Kisa all the way, I don't mind—YOW!" The light danced about as she stumbled back.

"Hit my head on something!"

"You can't be serious." That from Sir Smarty-Pants, of course. "What on Earth could you find down here to smack your head on?"

In answer, she started pounding the butt of the flashlight against the offending surface, feeling it give slightly. "Trapdoor, I bet. These stairs had to end somewhere, so I guess this is it. Hana, help me, I think we can push this…"

The door lifted and landed with a muffled thump. Arisa cautiously popped her blonde head up from the dark depths.

Candle, candelabras, and a few oil lamps were lit and scattered around the huge room, making itonly slightly lighter than the underground stairs. The door had been muffled from the lush Persian carpet covering it. Plush velvet armchairs surrounded a cold, dead fireplace. Thick drapes covered the windows, blocking every bit of sun.

Three of the walls were crowded with paintings with subjects depressing, disturbing, and downright creepy: vultures, ghost ships battered by pitch-black waves, dim moors, even one featuring a black jack table with a Grim Reaper dealer and skeleton clientele. Most frames, however, featured tigers, leopards, lions, and housecats of every breed, all with glowing eyes that popped out from the paint. A few were portraits, and whether hooded or not, all the people wore black cloaks.

Built-in bookshelves covered one wall, filled with countless tomes, metal instruments, picture frames, and dozens of other odds and ends, including a skull.

_…Skull?_

In one corner stood a long wooden table, piled with interconnected glass tubes, bottles, phials, and flasks; strangely-colored liquids bubbling, raced through them with the occasional puff of smoke. Notes lay scattered all over, foreign words and symbols scribbled on them in thick ink.

On the very furthest end of the room was what looked like—nothing else could describe it—an altar, purple cloth, black candles, a suspicious-looking tome flipped open on it, the whole satanic shebang, complete with a looming musical organ behind.

And presiding over the altar stood a black-cloaked figure with a raven perched on one hand, a pale puppet covering the other, and a slack-jawed look on his hooded face.

"Uotani."

"Yes."

"Where are we?"

"Hell."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

After discreetly slipping Kisa behind a convenient dressing screen standing in a corner, Kyouya strode over to talk to their unexpected host. Understandably, Nekozawa was thrown for a loop.

Umehito Nekozawa, third year student and inveterate photophobe, was leader of the Black Magic Club—a rather harmless, if eccentric person, but if you wanted someone to get their pants scared off, he was your man.

"I'm not sure I understand, Kyouya-kun," Nekozawa mumbled in his wavy voice. "You came from a flight of stairs…going down to a tunnel…beginning in the hedge maze?"

Kyouya, Hana, and Uo-chan nodded.

"Inconceivable…no idea…" he muttered absently, pacing before the altar. Beelzenef the cat puppet looked equally perplexed, a pale paw scratching its chin. "Stairs…under the_ carpet_…?"

**FOOM.**

The three 'guests' jumped and whirled; they watched Kisa patter out of the dark.

"Are you unharmed, Kisa-chan? What was that noise?" Hana asked.

"Um, um…"

"My formulas, no doubt." Nekozawa had Beelzenef gesture to the table covered with glass containers and liquids. A boiling, bubbling sound rose and fell, and a burst of greenish smoke shot out. "They get rambunctious at times, especially when I add a touch of arsenic to the mixture."

Arisa tucked Kisa firmly under her arm. "Mind showing us the way out?"

"It would be interesting to discuss any theories you might have about that underground route," Kyouya directed to Nekozawa.

"And I would like to stay a bit," Hana added from the bookcase. She ran a finger along the spine of _Practical Theory to Hexes, Curses, and the Evil Eye._ "It has such a soothing atmosphere."

"Yeah, I bet most people settle down pretty quick with arsenic," her blonde friend drawled. "The exit, please?"

After showing them the door and giving them directions, Nekozawa gingerly took Hana's hand and kissed her fingertips. "A dark angel is always welcomed in the Black Magic Club Headquarters."

Arisa rolled her eyes, hooking her arm through Hana's. "He's your type, Hanajima," she hissed, "but I draw the line at arsenic."

"Little one."

Kisa turned to find Nekozawa looming over her. She hopped back with a squeak.

"I sensed you would appreciate this; you seem very much like a timid kitten." Nekozawa rummaged in his cloak and pulled out a roly-poly wooden cat doll with Beelzenef's face. "A toy for someone who reminds me of my sister Kirimi."

"Kisa, hurry up," Hana beckoned.

Kyouya hung back and looked at his _senpai _over his glasses. "An uncursed doll, I trust?"

"Completely harmless, Kyouya-kun!" Nekozawa exclaimed, offended. "Besides, I didn't think you believed in curses."

_Not_ your _kind of curse_, Kyouya thought. "Let's just say it's better to be safe."

When he caught up with the girls, Hana was saying, "I hadn't realized we'd climbed past the first floor."

"The stairs were partially in the walls, I guess, meaning they haven't been touched in God knows how long," Uo-chan said. "If we walked through asbestos, Ohtori, I'm sending all my medical bills to you."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Are you certain you didn't knock him into a coma?" Tamaki inquired.

"I've got no idea," Kyo panted. Yuki had lifted Haru by the underarms and draped him across Kyo's back; after an hour of hauling Haru with barely a rest, Kyo was not a happy camper. "Maybe he'll wake up if I dump him headfirst on the floor."

Tamaki glanced side-long at Yuki. "Y'know, I think he's serious."

"Bingo." Yuki looked back at Kyo, his face as bright as his hair from exertion and temper. "Don't worry, Haru has a head like a _bull_, you could say."

In typical Suoh style, Tamaki walked backwards to act as cheerleader. "Never fear, Kyo-san! Soon we'll be at the Music Room and reunited with our families!"

"Our _families_?" Kyo wheezed. "Only us Sohmas are related, and even then it's a stretch callin' us a _family_."

"I think he meant the Hitachiin brothers, and Hunny- and Mori-senpai," Yuki said. "They mentioned they were cousins?"

"Well, I meant that the Sohma clan and the Kaibara maidens will be together again, and I will rejoin my family, my club mates. We're a school club, I don't think I got the chance to mention that," he explained at the other boys' puzzled looks. "We're certainly not blood-related, but we're family.

"I'm the father-figure," Tamaki said proudly. "Kyouya is Mother, of course" (Yuki and Kyo choked back laughter. They had identical thoughts of a giant, shadowy owl devouring its own young.) "and Hunny-senpai and Mori-senpai are the uncles. I'd be tempted to place Hunny-senpai as the baby, but considering his senior status, that might be a tad insulting. The twins are the wild, wayward teen sons, and Haruhi is my precious daughter!"

Yuki clapped a hand over his mouth, but Kyo roared outright. "What the hell did the poor kid do to get that punishment? Calling him your _daughter!_"

"Daddy" Suoh was indignant. "You've got to admit that she—_he_" Tamaki hastily corrected, "_he_ is very beautiful and delicate!"

"You've got some weird ideas, Suoh," Kyo said. "Besides, I'm not that anxious to find the others. As long as I found that Tohru's safe, I'm sure the others can take care of themselves just fine, they're not helpless."

"They're not so strange, and you should care more! I mean, what really makes a family, anyway? Genetics are irrelevant compared to the relationship, the bond. Although you'd think you would care even more since you do share blood—"

"It takes more than blood to make a family!" Kyo snapped.

"Precisely my point! Take the Kaibara girls—you went to school with them, laughed and spent time with them, so don't they mean as much to you as your cousins? Isn't a family first and foremost a group of friends because there is something greater than blood that binds them?"

Yuki was ready to step in before a shouting match broke out when…

"…Family-complex."

Kyo craned his head to look into Haru's placid gray eyes.

"Suoh-san has what might be called a family-complex."

"…How long have you been awake?"

"It was infinitely strange," Haru rambled. "Something smashed the back of my skull, and I drifted in and out of consciousness for a while. I found myself placed on the back of some warm creature that growled as it walked, and occasionally swore. I decided to give myself up to sleep…for maybe an hour or so?"

Veins stuck out like thick cables from Kyo's head.

"There's nothing strange about it, dumbass," Kyo hissed. "It means I've been _hauling your lazy butt around for a whole hour for_ nothing, YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT—"

Kyo dropped Haru to the floor and caught him in a chokehold. Before Tamaki and Yuki could intervene, the sound of thunderous footfalls was heard.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Hanajima's inner-rader went on red-alert.

"Kyo-kun, Yuki-kun, Hatsuharu-kun, and Tamaki-san are coming."

"That's great," Kisa cried. "But why don't you look happier?"

"They bring company."

Kyouya and Arisa turned at a distant rumble. Louder…louder…

The four boys turned the corner, an army of security guards hot on their heels.

Kyouya bellowed,_ "Run, run, run!"_

They broke into a flat run; the boys put on a burst of speed and caught up, giving the teens a chance to vent.

"Kyouya, _mon ami_, I don't think we want to lead them to the club room!"

"I'm thinking, Tamaki, I'm thinking!"

"Long time no see, Carrot-Top!"

"Shut up and run, Yank!"

"Haru-nii!"

"Be brave, kitten."

"Any ideas, Hana-chan?"

"Greetings, Yuki-kun, and as a matter of fact I do…"

Hana stopped and whirled, her eyes spitting electric sparks, a violet aura rising from her.

Arisa yelled, "Kyon, find Tohru and the others! Don't worry about us!" and ran to her friend's side. She yanked a small halberd from a decorative suit of armor at the wall, finding it about the same weight as an iron pipe. "Times like this, I'm really glad I'm an ex-yankee!" she said with a fierce grin.

"Would it be too harsh to—**beeeep**—them, Arisa?"

"Don't hold back, Hanajima."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

The wooden doors of the Third Music Room were finally in sight. Speeding as fast as they were, the group slipped and skidded along the floor when they tried to halt. Kyo was quickest, twisting cat-like to his feet, yanking open the doors—

Slamming into Haruhi.

**FOOM.**

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Hiro and Momiji pounded to the entrance of the club room.

"Yuki, Haru, Kyo, somebody!" Momiji yelled. "You gotta know: Haruhi is a _girl!"_

Haruhi sat on the floor, the very picture of dazed and confused, an irate orange cat glaring up from her lap at the two boys.

"_You don't say."_

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Sheherazade's Blah Blah Blah**

That's it for running-around-type-action for now! Hopefully it wasn't awfully confusing, and Chap. 8's a bit longer than my normal ones. I hope you people who've stuck with the story since its early stages will still find it worthwhile. Also, I brought up a theme which I think will prove important: What is a family? On one side you have the non-blood related Host Club; on the other, the _Juunishi _Sohmas, who are all related, closely or distantly, but are all tied with strings they never wanted.

And again, **millions of thanks** to those who have reviewed/alerted/favorited _The Juunishi Host Club! _Jee, so many chapters to get to this point…in the next chapter, I plan on actually bringing the Host Club aspect in here! Also, dear Gure-san reappears!


	9. Chapter 9: Mutual Benefits

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Hatori Bisco and Natsuki Takaya, etc.

**Chapter Nine: Mutual Benefits**

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

**The Evening of the First Day…**

"_Sensei_…I know writer's block can be terrible…the creative process is difficult…but your deadline was _five weeks_ ago…"

"Your point, Mitchan?"

"…I have a pistol in my shed, Sensei…and it's looking _very tempting!!"_

Shigure sighed. His beleaguered editor Mitsuru never failed to sound especially desperate when he had the phone on speaker; perhaps it was the slight static-filled echo it caused that made her sound ever more on the verge of a mental collapse.

"Mitchan, Mitchan, Mitchan, don't go to such extremes," Shigure tutted. "Would you rather have words that are forced, contrived, and stale, or words that grip the reader with a passion? Besides, I have a pen in my hand as we speak."

_"Really, Sensei? You're not teasing me?"_ she nearly shrieked.

"Of course I'm telling the truth." _In fact_, he thought gleefully, _I have one in my other hand, and one on my nose_! Shigure grinned while moving slightly to balance all three pens and keep them upright.

"Wait, you have a typewriter _and_ a computer, why would you need a—

"Red pens," Shigure said glibly. "Revising is such a tedious process."

"Gah, nevermind!" Mitsuru cried. "I'm coming by first thing in the morning to pick up _the finished manuscript_—not the rough draft of the finished manuscript, or the three-fourths finished manuscript, or the nearly-almost-done-it-practically-_is_-the-finished manuscript—_the finished manuscript!_ I'm absolutely _serious_ about this, _Sensei!"_

Ayame fluttered his fan in Shigure's direction as he cut the call. "I know you can't resist getting a rise out of poor Mitsuru-san, she's an excitable girl, but what if you finally drive her to that pistol she mentioned?" Aaya admonished.

"I wouldn't worry about that," Shigure replied breezily. "I made a point to visit her shed myself and take every bullet I could find."

"How thoughtful, Gure-san!"

"Well, it might be seen as covering all my bases," the writer-from-hell said sheepishly. "Especially when she glues herself to my front door until noon tomorrow, then finds out I mailed the manuscript to her office instead. It should be dropped in her inbox a couple hours after she comes here to camp out on my front door and badger me."

Aaya sighed and sipped his tea. "The things you do for entertainment, Guretchi."

The two men heard a faint slam from the front door, the light pattering of a girl's steps and the heavier sounds of two boys. Ayame shot up, flinging back his long sheet of silver-white hair as he whipped open Shigure's office door. "Oooh, they're home! I must greet my darling little brother, back from his first day at Ouran!

Shigure laughed faintly, listening to Ayame's cries bounce around the hall. "Dearest Yuki, how was your day! Were you scared and depressed at being in such alien environs? Feel free to weep your young heart out on your brother's breast—"

A faint mumbling was heard, then silence.

"Eh…Shii-san, oh Shii-san! I think I shall be going now! I'll come back tomorrow! Ta-ta!"

Puzzled, Shigure poked his head out the door to hear Aaya rapidly pound out of the house. _Did he just…scram?_

He shrugged and started picking up the tea things, then sensed two people behind him. "So, how was your day?" he quipped, plucking up the tea pot. "You didn't attend classes, so it shouldn't have been too stressful. Plus, you had Tohru-kun and the other girls with you, I had a large part in that little surprise, you know. If you stick with Ouran, you might actually find Akito didn't make too bad a decision—"

Shigure's voice choked to a halt when two pairs of hands took either of his arms in a death grip.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

When his eyes stopped spinning and slid back into focus, Shigure was on his back, looking up at the tiny backyard shed's roof.

He peered into the gloom, gingerly feeling his skull. _Yup, I'm going to have a few goose eggs and an appointment to the chiropractor._

"I can't believe they literally put me in the dog house!" Shigure fumed. "I mean seriously, was it something I said?"

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**The Afternoon Before the Evening of the First Day…**

In the distance, the clock tower struck the hour with a single ominous "bong," but in the Third Music Room, it felt more like the signal to high noon and the start of a gun duel in some dusty street in an Old West boomtown. The room had been split into two groups, the tension wire-taut between them.

On one side: the _Juunishi _Sohmas and Tohru, wearing varying faces of fear, shock, and hostility. Kyo was in front, a fine tremor running through his lithe frame as he shook with rage. Yuki and Haru flanked him, ready to fight by his side or grab him and make a run for it—whichever came first.

On the other: the shaken and tense Ouran seven, or rather, the six Ouran boys plus one unassuming, unexpected, inconspicuous, inconveniently-placed _girl_.

Haruhi (the aforementioned surprise _girl_) had been thrust behind Tamaki as soon his shocked mind processed that not only had his beloved daughter's gender been outed, some cat-man-_thingy_ had knocked her flat. It bore a strange resemblance to the high-strung Sohma.

And it _talked_.

Grab a guillotine and call him Marie Antoinette, the damn thing _talked!_

When the cat morphed back with a blast of orange smoke and a familiar "FOOM," it confirmed the feline's identity as Kyo. If one recalled the noises and smoke in the cafeteria, it also revealed that he wasn't the only Sohma with a tendency toward smoky magic acts.

Now with Momiji having announced Haruhi's true sex, both parties' secrets had been blown with one fell swoop. The fates of both would be determined by whatever happened next…

Haruhi ducked under Tamaki's arm and strode forward, shrugging off his hand when he tried to pull her back. She walked to the middle of the room, the no-man's land, halted, and bowed deeply before Kyo. His furious expression calmed as he blinked, not sure how to receive the gesture.

"I'm sorry for knocking into you, Kyo-san," Haruhi said quietly, still bowed. "Obviously, I revealed…something private. I'm truly sorry."

Silence. Then Kyo startled everyone by moving toward her. He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking to the side. "'S'all right…it's not like you meant to do it, anyways…so…yeah. I'm sorry too. You probably had a reason for letting us think you were a guy…yeah. I'm…I'm really sorry." His head lowered the tiniest bit and his back curved ever so slightly—if anyone had blinked, they would have missed his awkward attempt at a reply bow.

Kyouya abruptly tossed his notebook—agenda and all—over his shoulder, and heaved a sigh.

"Screw the rest of the tour," he drawled long-sufferingly, "we need to talk."

The Hitachiins did a four thumbs-up. "Woot! Go, _Senpai!"_

The room's collective blood pressure slowly eased. Whatever else happened, at least they were off to a good start.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

The threads of their stories unraveled until all was laid bare.

The Sohmas slowly confessed their curse: each was inhabited by a spirit of the Chinese Zodiac, damned to switch into their animal form if they tried to embrace a member of the opposite sex not of the Zodiac. In turn, the Ouran gang explained how they themselves had been hoodwinked into thinking Haruhi was male, how accidentally smashing a prize vase had sunk her into debt, and her consequent obligations as a club member. That in turn led into an explanation about just what their club was all about.

"Don't feel bad about not seeing through me right away," Haruhi said with an apologetic wave of her hand. "Ever since I cut my hair short, people have been making that mistake, especially since I'm really not into girly clothes. It's a bit of an asset actually; in the beginning, I didn't really care either way if my 'secret' was exposed, but since the school forbids me to have a part-time job, I can't see how else I could end my debt before graduation if I weren't a host."

Yuki looked up from his coffee cup. The Sohmas had silently decided that now was not the time to ask why, in such a ritzy academic institute, were the Ouran boys so enamored of cheap instant coffee in place of fine tea. "A host, Haruhi-san? Hosting what?"

Hikaru quickly gulped down a last swig of coffee. "Yeah, I guess we never told you—"

"—just what kind of operation we're running here," Kaoru chimed in.

Tamaki pushed back his chair and rose, arms solemnly spread before him, a king addressing his seated, understandably wary subjects. The Zodiacs had been in Tamaki's presence less than twelve hours and they already understood that while a bubbly, bouncy Tamaki was a handful, a fired-up, full-of-conviction Tamaki the Drama King was quite possibly worse.

"My friends, the time has come to reveal our true nature to you. Never fear! Our gathering of handsome people is not duplicitous, illegal, or amoral. _Au contraire_, we are actually representatives of the finer emotions—love, passion, chivalry, gentility, romance. Fair ladies and fine gentlemen, we are—"

The room plunged into darkness. Stage beams rent the dark, illuminating Tamaki and the rest of his band. The theatrical blonde struck a pose, his blue-clad chest puffed out, his hand running through his unruly hair.

"_The Ouran High School Host Club!"_

Tamaki slid across the floor, coming to rest on one knee before Tohru's seat. He smoothly drew a rose from behind his ear, like magic, and placed it with a flourish in her hair. With a wink and good-natured grin, he backed away from the blushing maiden—normally, a tickle under the chin and a deep gaze into her eyes would have followed. But in a rare moment of tact, he realized Kyo was looking murderous enough as it was.

Tohru clutched the rose to her chest, still shyly blushing. "Um, Kyo-kun, where do you think all the lights came from?"

Rolling his eyes, he crossed his arms angrily. "Don't ask questions to things you're not sure you wanna know." Kyo started when he felt her tuck the rose into his lapel. "H-Hey, red doesn't go with orange, dummy," he hissed, coloring brightly himself as he stared into her smiling eyes.

"Um, well…I think your type of orange…goes well with anything." Tohru turned aside, silently thinking, _If nothing else, your face matches the rose, Kyo-kun._

Meanwhile, Momiji and Kisa were puzzled by the announcement, and so Kisa turned to her Haru-niisan for clarification. "Haru-nii, what is a host club?"

Hikaru's bright brows nearly vanished into his flaming hair. "You don't know what a host club is?" he exclaimed. "She doesn't know what a host—my God, how utterly pro-_vincial_—"

With an explosive shower of crumbs, Hikaru found a large scone jammed between his jaws.

"Do your best to forgive him," Haruhi ground out. A vein pulsed in her temple while she methodically ground the scone deeper into her classmate's mouth. "I give him lectures on manners. They don't stick."

"At your age, you shouldn't have to know about things like host clubs," Hunny said, smiling brightly and patting Kisa's shoulder.

Kyouya cleared his throat. "The essence is this: Ouran Private Academy is defined by one, prestigious families, and two, wealth."

"And prosperous people," Hunny continued, "have much time on their hands."

"Therefore," Tamaki extolled grandly, "this Host Club is about these handsome guys that have time giving hospitality to these lovely ladies who also have time—"

"—and profiting off them," Kyouya cut in.

"As if you'd let us forget_, mon ami_."

"It's an elegant game unique to this super-rich school," Haruhi added, with a tone that added_, Thank God_. Her distaste for "the game" was clear.

"Don't act so disdainful, Haruhi," Kaoru said. "We may get paid, but the ladies get charm, sophistication, tea and snacks, and fine conversation."

"Everything is completely aboveboard," Kyouya said. "Perfectly respectable."

"I'm not doubting your word," Yuki replied, "it's just that…a host club? It's not exactly a normal school extracurricular, is it? How did you manage to set it up and keep it open?"

Tamaki and Kyouya, the co-founders, exchanged a split-second glance before Kyouya went on. "When the ears of the right people listen to your assurances of how virtuously and industriously your club will be run, you don't have much trouble."

_Basically, it helps if your father's the school's chairman,_ was their shared thought.

"Which brings us to my proposition," Kyouya said. "What say we think of it as…mutually-beneficial blackmail."

Haru's chair skidded back. "That's it, we're out of here." In his experience, "black" anything was never a good thing.

"Wait!" Kyouya raised a hand. "Let me explain. By blackmail, I mean that each of us has something over the other. By mutually-beneficial, I mean that this by no means has to become sinister.

"If we all choose to ignore and 'forget' each other's secrets—the Zodiac Curse, Haruhi's true gender—we could live in peace for a time. But a situation may arise where one side may be tempted to expose the other for gain, self-protection, whatever."

Kyo knew instantly what was going on, and rose warily. "But if we struck a deal—"

"Then such temptation would be removed, or at least minimized exponentially."

"What do you propose?" Yuki demanded softly, coming up to stand with Kyo.

"Name your terms."

"Not one word to another soul about our curse," Kyo said strongly, his voice filling the room. "Not one word to Akito, Hatori, Shigure, Ayame, or anyone else in our family that you know."

"Your memories would be wiped," Haru added, "and so would Tohru's. She's only allowed to know of our curse if no one else finds out. Plus, Tohru words as a housekeeper where Yuki and Kyo live, and stays there. There's no way she'd be able to stay if seven other people knew. Damage control."

The host club felt the tension in their guests at Haru's words.

Hiro, abruptly remembering the chaos trying to avoid girls in the hall that morning, had a sudden inspiration. "Protection! We want help in staying away from all the rabid females in this place. And we definitely want the guys staying away from Kisa and Isuzu-nee, they're liable to get run over."

"Silence to others, silence to our family, and protection. Those are the terms," Kyo stated.

The host club briefly huddled, then broke apart nodding. "Agreed," Tamaki said. "Now here are ours: In return for services rendered, we want your silence on the matter of Haruhi being female. Also, we request—nay, _demand_ your participation in our club."

The implications sunk in…and a river of ice water ran through the blood of every Sohma male.

Tamaki jabbed a single imperious index finger into Kyo and Yuki's faces. "You will become HOSTS!"

"No flippin' way!" Kyo snarled. "I have my dignity! Forget it!"

"Those are the terms, take it or leave it," Tamaki said smugly.

Yuki caught Kyo's eye. "Kyo—we have _no choice_." He glanced meaningfully at Tohru, though he knew Kyo already understood perfectly, which was of course the hell of it. Yuki glanced at each of his cousins, until he got a nod from each.

Tamaki caught a hand each from Yuki and Kyo in a firm three-way handshake.

"It's a deal, Suoh-san."

"You won't regret this, Yuki-san, Kyo-san."

"Oh my goodness!"

They jerked around to stare at Tohru, flapping her hands about in a tizzy. "Hana-chan and Uo-chan! We completely forgot about them, they could be dead from fighting off all those guards, how could we not think of them, oh no oh no oh no!"

Tamaki raced to the doors. "Kyouya, come with me, we need to rescue the maidens! Make haste! The rest of you stay here!"

Jogging to catch up, Kyouya pulled out his cell-phone to put the lawyers on standby. He doubted the girls had a scratch on them; it was the matter of security guards and their impending lawsuits that concerned him.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**That Evening, Following the Afternoon of the First Day…**

After an hour of pounding on his own front door for his teen houseguests to let him in ("I'm freezing! Lights dance before my eyes! My blood's drying up in my veins! My head pounds like the drums of demons! Antibiotics! Penicillin, _for the love of God!!"_), Shigure found himself snug as a bug in a rug in his _kotatsu_, sipping hot tea.

"So," he began sagely, "you're saying it wasn't a good idea to send the girls to Ouran."

Yuki glared unblinkingly. The chopstick Kyo had been nibbling on to vent his anger suddenly snapped between his teeth as sharply as a gunshot.

Shigure coughed. "Well, yes, it may have been a tad…unorthodox…and drastic…but aren't you happy to have Tohru-kun with you?"

"We're always happy to have Honda-san with us," Yuki ground out, "but not when she's been kidnapped and brought to us like a package! And have you even thought about what will happen should Akito find out?"

"Are _you_ going to tell him?"

"The hell we are," Kyo bit out.

"Then if you don't tell, and I don't tell, and none of the others tell, Akito need never know. Kyouya Ohtori is in charge of sending periodic progress reports to Akito-san on how you lot are adjusting to the academy. I've instructed young Ohtori-kun, through Hari, that he can be perfectly truthful to our beloved clan leader—so long as nothing he reports reveals Tohru-kun, Arisa-san, and Saki-chan's presence.

"Besides…" Shigure smiled gently and slyly, one hand partially obscuring his mouth as it propped up his cheek. "I dare you to tell me that Ouran won't be far more bearable with Tohru-kun's presence. She's been our only light for some time now. You really desire to return to the shadows? Hmm?"

They couldn't look at him. They couldn't deny a truth so strong and pure.

"I'm going to bed," Yuki muttered. Ever elegant, he rose and trod out to the stairs.

"On the whole, was your first day enjoyable?"

"…Yeah. I guess it was fine," Kyo said. _If you count nutcases, "terrorist attacks," being responsible for blowing our secret to hell and back, and blackmail to be enjoyable._

"Well, I bet you'll have many more days like this."

_Sadly enough, I think you're right._

Shigure calmly lit a cigarette, waiting for Kyo to break the silence.

"You've done a lot for me, Shigure. I'm not so much of a jackass that I'm not grateful for it every time I step in this house. But if your tricks end up hurting her…so help me…"

The Dog closed his eyes to the Cat's flaming gaze and took a drag. When they slid open, Kyo was gone, swift and noiseless.

_I'm sorry, Kyonkichi, for every one of us. We'll all wind up hurt before the end. Even if things go as marvelously as I hope, before things get better, we'll all be hurt before the end._ He exhaled, the smoke brushing his face, curling heavenward. _But don't worry. Chances are, I'll be torn up most of all._

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Sheherazade's Blah Blah Blah**

Greetings! So, there we have it: mutually-beneficial blackmail that promises chaos galore for both sides. At first, I thought the host club had more of an advantage over the Sohmas, since the curse is seemingly the more dangerous secret. But considering the club's attachment to Haruhi, and the importance of their makeshift family, maybe it's more evenly matched than I thought?

The ending was unexpectedly dark and brooding, that kinda snuck up on me, but it seemed like something Guretchi would think about in his darker moments.

As always, thanks to everyone who reviewed/alerted/favorited! It means a lot, and I love when a new one pops up!


	10. Chapter 10: Let the Games Begin

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Hatori Bisco and Natsuki Takaya, etc.

**Chapter Ten: Let The Games Begin**

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

**After School—The First Day of Hosting…**

In the hosts' eyes, it was a simple equation: _'Haruhi is a girl'_ plus_ 'Haruhi is a commoner' _equals _'Haruhi is put in charge of the commoner girls.'_

In Haruhi's eyes, it was a simple matter of cowardice.

"As club leader, I'd oversee their orientation myself," Tamaki said apologetically, "but Mamzelle Uotani's violent streak might be aroused again. Not from anything I would do of course, I still can't fathom why she seems to have such a short temper where I'm concerned…"

"We'd love to teach Sohma-hime the ropes—" Kaoru pleaded.

"—but with a bag to my face and shoes to both our heads, our record with her doesn't look too good," Hikaru finished, rubbing the top of his skull in memory.

"I'd love to teach Hana-chan!" Hunny burst out.

Behind Hunny, Mori was vigorously shaking his head at her, motioning his hands in a cutting "No!" movement. Evidently, Hana-chan's waves were not worth the risk.

"Eh…no thanks, Hunny-senpai…"

Thus, Haruhi found herself standing before the five girls, feeling quite awkward at their collective looks, ranging from Kisa's inquisitive tawny-gold gaze to Rin's indifferent starburst stare.

She cleared her throat. "Well…I guess, first off, I need to explain what you'll do during club hours. Based on my understanding of the situation, you'll be waitress-slash-hostesses. You'll be in charge of setting up the snacks and treats for tea, bringing the food around and serving it, and cleaning up the used cups and dishes. And cleaning up the room in general at day's end, but everyone pitches in with that, so don't sweat it…"

Tohru gave a little wave of her hand, catching Haruhi's eye. "You said we'll be hosting too, Haruhi-san?" she chirped. "What precisely are we going to do for that? Does that mean we'll host boys like the rest of you host the girls?"

"Oh, don't worry about that," Haruhi replied, waving her hands soothingly. "You won't have to do that. While girls are waiting for their time slot with one of us to start, you'll chat with them, prevent boredom. Also, Kyouya-senpai said he'd like for you to gather information for him while you chitchat—specific preferences some girls might have, what's the latest trend. He says it will help us decide what events and dress-up days to hold."

Uo-chan cocked a hip and an eyebrow. "So we should add 'espionage' to our list of duties?"

"Basically," Haruhi said bluntly, shrugging apologetically. "It's not hard work, so don't feel overwhelmed. I'll help you all as much as I can."

"Um…I have a question…"

"Go ahead, Honda-san," Haruhi said solicitously.

"I overheard the Hitachiin brothers discussing our duties…and they started wondering what we'd look like in _maid outfits_…"

Haruhi's eyebrow twitched.

"And I was wondering…we don't really have to wear them, do we? Because—I sincerely beg your pardon if I sound offensive—I don't think Hikaru-san and Kaoru-san were having very _polite ideas_ about maid uniforms."

The vein just above Haruhi's left eye was pulsing furiously.

"Don't worry, Honda-san." She slowly turned to look at the twins nonchalantly chatting nearby. "I will make it my _personal mission_ that none of you will ever, ever be forced into a maid's uniform. Kyouya-senpai, if you'd please take over…"

Kyouya set down the two shopping bags he had been lugging and watched with amusement as the female host prowled toward the twins, looking ready and willing to give them a verbal smackdown.

"Each of you will be given a uniform, and though there is some lace, they're a far cry from maid uniforms, I assure you." He passed a box to each girl and motioned them to the changing rooms.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

All the girls had dressed and exited…except for one. Kyouya smiled softly, certain he knew why Uo-chan hadn't yet put in an appearance.

"Uotani-san, have you finished changing? The club starts soon." Her reply was growl. He chuckled. "May I come in?"

"Do whatever y'damn well please."

Assuming that meant she was decent, he pushed past the curtains.

"My, my, my…don't we look _scrumptious_."

Arisa fixed her middle finger in a very unflattering position and flashed it. "Suicidal much, Four-Eyes?"

In all honesty, the getup wasn't as god-awful as she had feared. She wore a pair of Ouran's black uniform slacks, a definite plus to her tomboyish nature. Her top was a belted dark blue tunic with wide white lace trimming the skirt, the modest scooped neckline, and the loose three-quarter length sleeves. The dark blue headscarf in her loose blonde mane further ensured that, slacks or no, she wouldn't be mistaken for one of the guys.

But just knowing that this was the uniform _he_ had selected it for her… It felt like he was_ marking_ her somehow.

_Behold, my little puppet in her costume…_

Kyouya did his best to smother a grin as he watched the blonde fidget. When her eyes kept darting back at him, fully aware that he was staring at her, Kyouya couldn't hold back another low chuckle.

"Clam it!" Arisa hissed. She couldn't believe this kid. He dared stroll in here, lean again against the wall, and stare, as though daring her to ask what colossal inside joke he was smiling about. "Remember,_ I_ don't have a single obligation to do this, Ohtori! If I leave, you're minus a worker. Might not make a big dent in your pocketbook, but the thought of any money lost would put a kink in your tail, am I right?"

"Oh, but you_ are_ obligated, Uotani-san." Kyouya pushed off the wall, hands still in his pockets. "As a friend to Honda-san, you're obliged to stay and make sure she's safe, since she has refused to leave the Sohmas here—a touching gesture. Additionally, you're obligated to see that the boys aren't lead astray by…what was it… 'this pack of pansy-assed Casanova-wannabes' was how you so delicately put it. Amazing, how we easily we tie ourselves up in strings and never realize it.

Besides"—He was standing less than a foot from her now—"might I remind you that your transfer papers have already been processed? You, Honda-san, and Hanajima-san, and are now part of the Ouran student body. The Host Club would be the perfect way to mingle and settle in. Think of it as an after-school activity that just happens to rake in money."

"Kyon and Yuki don't get any money, do they? That's pretty damn unfair," she snapped.

"We're still in negotiations over that," Kyouya said easily. "They'll get their earnings eventually, once the details are smoothed over. It's exasperating how you're viewing this as enslavement, Uotani-san." He paused momentarily to just look at her. Arisa's color was high in her cheeks, her arms crossed as though bracing for some sort of onslaught. And her eyes…well, frankly, they could burn a house down.

…_Why_ was that so alluring?

Her eyes suddenly turned wary. "You're not thinking about yesterday, are you?"

Kyouya jolted from his reverie. "What exactly did I say yesterday?" he snapped. "'Forget it ever happened, and we'll consider that payment for bailing you out of security.' So far as I'm concerned, Uotani-san, Tamaki and I escorted you from the office straight back to the Third Music Room_. Straight back_."

"Fine by me," Arisa said just as coldly. "Right now, I've got some mingling and settling in to do. That money won't rake in itself."

She marched out without sparing him another glance.

He hissed through his teeth. He caught his reflection in the full-length mirror.

"She'll see what you want her to see, and you'll keep the upper hand," he whispered to the frustrated young man staring back at him. "Better opponents have tried to best you and failed." The Demon Lord gave himself a glare. "She's no match for you."

_Bit early for that assessment, chum._

Kyouya shoved away the nagging inner voice, but it persisted.

_This whole thing is sure to come back and kick your ass to the dust, General. To the dust…_

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"So you're going to stop being so perverted around them, _right?_"

"Yeah, yeah…"

_"Hikaru—"_

"You busted our eardrums already, we get the message!"

"One word from them, just _one word_ and I'll—"

"We'll tone it down, okay," Kaoru said placatingly. "Just don't yell, Haruhi, it's painful…"

"What's with the mother-hen act?" Hikaru looked curiously at her.

"Well, it is pretty much my fault the Sohmas are bound to the club, isn't it? The least I can do is make sure the girls don't become your new playthings."

"Haaaru-chaaan is jeeeaaaalouuus…" came Hikaru's sing-song mutter.

"What's to envy?"

"Damn, that's harsh, Haruhi!"

"Just being logical. If I was jealous of _them_, I wouldn't be blasting out _your_ eardrums, would I?"

Kisa's appearance diverted their attention, causing Haruhi to say, "You look adorable, Kisa-chan." Haruhi elbowed Hikaru and stared pointedly, reminding him of his earlier attitude with the younger girl.

"Oh, yeah, I'm glad we picked a color that worked for you. Really brings out your hair and eyes."

Kisa blinked in surprise. "You picked my uniform out?" She tugged her tunic's skirt out wide to better inspect the muted amber-gold hue. Except for the colors, her uniform was identical to Uo-chan's, as were all the girls'.

"Kyouya-senpai picked the design and commissioned us to make them, but we chose the color schemes."

Kisa flushed and smiled at the twins. "Thank you very much." As she pattered away, Tohru came up (clad in soft pink), smiling also.

"Thank you for being so kind to her. A while back, children at school teased her for her unusual coloring. It was wonderful of you to say you wanted to 'bring it out' when she wasn't proud of it before."

_"Teased her?"_ The Hitachiins stared at each other in confusion. _"We have bright coloring but no one's teased us about it."_

"No one would've dared, unless they wanted two little devils making their lives hell," Haruhi muttered dryly.

_Nutcases, the pack of them_. Rin, who had kicked back and watched Haruhi verbally whittle the twins to pieces with some amusement, sighed, uncrossing and re-crossing her killer legs_. I should eat…_

She briefly toyed at a packet of crackers on the coffee table beside her and crumbled a cracker to dust, trying to summon interest. When none appeared, Rin gave up and frowned down at her uniform, a sultry red color.

…_but the thought of chatting it up with pampered airheads is killing my appetite._

"Rin-san?"

Rin started when Tohru suddenly popped up beside her. "What?"

"You were looking over at us strangely…"

Rin hesitated, wondering if she could really be picky about confidantes. She (quietly, discreetly) liked the Honda girl, so did she really wanted to burden her with dark observations? On the other hand, though a slight airhead, she wasn't flighty at all, but probably the steadiest person Rin had ever met. Perhaps _because_ Tohru was the most naïve one in the group, Rin should alert her that things weren't quite right…

"I heard them talking about the uniforms with Kisa. They said Ohtori commissioned them. The guys just use their school uniforms for hosting, but to have our waitress uniforms_ today_, he had to have known before we even got here that we'd be dragged into this club."

Rin looked over her shoulder to where Kyouya and Tamaki were talking. "I don't trust him. I've talked with Kisa and…Haru…briefly…and from what I can tell, Ohtori knew about our curse long before Kyo knocked into Fujioka."

"What should we do, Rin-san?"

"Nothing." Rin glided off, the tail ends of her dark red headscarf trailing behind her, entwining with the black ropes of her hair.

"For now."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

With a loud clap, Tamaki's hands came together enthusiastically as he grinned like a madman. "So, my friends…are you ready for your first day as hosts?"

The Sohmas stared back blankly. After sitting through a half-hour of tips on how to cajole shy maidens, brighten conversation, B.S. one's way through a topic one has zilch understanding of, and how to set a _flipping teacup_ down with poise and grace, it was uncertain if the Sohma boys were even conscious.

"OKAY! We're ready to roll! We seven shall get into our usual positions at the front; Sohmas, spread yourselves to either side of the entrance! Waitresses, please be on alert, we're opening the doors!"

Arisa nudged Kyo. "Ready to become a celebrity, Kyon-Kyon?" she said with an annoying grin.

"I'm about to waste my afternoon listening to a flock of girls gab, and praying to any powers that be that I don't get molested," Kyo growled. His hand ran through his hair agitatedly, mussing it so it resembled a spitting-mad cat's back. "Just how ready do ya _think_ I am?"

"Relax, if I spot any chicks getting grabby with ya, I'll step in. _'Ooh, why don't you try these wonderful crumpets?' 'We just got this special brand of tea, try some!' _I've taken pity on plenty of customers back at the restaurant whose blind dates try to invade their personal bubbles."

"You're makin' it sound like I'm some princess who needs her virtue protected."

"Things can get dangerous with the opposite sex, Kyon. Guys aren't the only ones with hormones. Besides, I did make a good prince," Arisa said smugly, referencing the "Almost-Cinderella" play their class had put on back at Kaibara.

_"I was a prince too, smart aleck!"_

"My prince was better than yours, or do you not remember acting the part of Prince PMS?"

"At least _I_ didn't start screaming at the crowd like I was high on something! If Hanajima could wear an effing _mourning gown_ to the ball, why couldn't I be pissed at being at the ball!?"

Tohru and Haruhi gingerly began to lead Kyo away; Kyouya gripped Uo-chan's wrist and did likewise.

At the doors, she finally shook his hand off. "Stop dragging me around!"

"Then stop acting so childishly," he hissed.

Tamaki gestured at Haru and Momiji. "When I give the signal, please open the doors!"

Next to Haru, Yuki whispered, "I don't suppose you're prepared?"

"It's not so bad." Haru shrugged. "At least Rin will be forced to be in the same room as me. And you never know: I don't want to be petty and make her jealous, but if she sees me with so many girls, she might want to keep close to me. You?"

"If it keeps our curse secret, we have no choice. But I'm scared."

Haru glanced at him.

"Think about it: For the next few hours, we'll be surrounded by girls. If one of us runs into a girl now…_Gods help us_…"

"Positions, people! **TEN!**"

"I'd adopt a more amiable attitude in the next ten seconds, Uotani-san."

"And why would I do that?" Arisa sneered.

**"SEVEN!"**

"Oh dear, Haruhi didn't inform you? Well, my instructions were rather hasty. The waitresses be on rotation doing the various chores, keeping customers occupied, working in the back room—but some will be assigned to wait on a specific host's customers."

A puzzled glare formed on her face. Then she froze.

**"THREE!"**

"That's right. _You're assigned to me_."

**"ONE!"**

Haru and Momiji pulled the doors wide.

_This will be the most fun I've had in a long while_, Kyouya thought as he looked down into Arisa's stricken face.

**"WELCOME!"** came the club's chorus.

Another day of hosting had begun.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Tamaki had explained the hosts' "types" before, and though it had sounded strange, the Sohmas didn't think much of it.

Seeing the Host Club in action was an _entirely different_ matter.

"Why so downcast, gentle maiden?" In a well-used move, Tamaki toyed with a long lock of his client's cinnamon-hued hair. "Such pretty green eyes shouldn't be on the floor, but lifted towards the sun in happiness and cheer."

The girl blushed. "My-my grade in Beginner's French isn't as high as it should be, Tamaki-sama. I'm a first-year, and hoped to be fluent in the language by the time I graduated. But-but if I don't raise my grade, I'm afraid they won't let me move to the higher courses…"

"I'm sure I could call on a few favors and get you a tutor, my dear. Though if you'd like, you could come to the club each day, and I'll teach some words." He slowly leaned in_. " 'Amour'… 'désir'… 'embrassade'…"_

"Ta-Tamaki-sa-sama…!"

"I don't see why you have trouble grasping the language of love," Tamaki whispered, kissing the lock of hair twirled around his finger. "From your pretty blushes, I think you know precisely what I'm saying!"

The pair of girls seated across from them tried unsuccessfully to muffle their squeals. The green-eyed girl just stared at the French boy in rapture.

Just a few feet away, Rin and Arisa leaned against a tea cart and stared disbelievingly.

"Pardon me while I lose my lunch."

"It's amazing how similar our views are," Rin muttered back.

"Did you see the third-years?"

"Yes. The response that Haninozuka kid gets is amazing; he's so adorable it's creepy. I pity Morinozuka."

"I get the impression he'll do most anything his cousin wants; Fujioka said something about their families once having a master-servant relationship before they intermarried a couple generations back."

"That makes sense. "

"How are the imps?"

Rin aura soured immediately. "Don't even start. They're really into their brotherly love routine."

"Brotherly love? You mean they show off how well they get along?"

"Not quite," Rin grumbled, and jerked her thumb behind them at her assigned hosts. "They're very _intense _about it…"

"…So I had to half carry him over to the infirmary," Hikaru said, "since he looked about ready to faint."

"It was your fault for wanting to play catch in that heat!" Kaoru pouted. "I warned about heatstroke, but _nooo_—"

"You weren't complaining when you got on the bed."

Their four clients demonstrated the domino effect, leaning forward with eager faces. "What happened?" they cried.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru mock whispered. "Don't be so indiscreet!"

"_You_ wanted the sponge bath!"

"_You_ wanted to play doctor!"

"KYAAAAAAAAAAA!!" the girls gushed.

Arisa rolled her eyes. "I'm surprised at the act itself, but I can't say I'm surprised that those two are doing it. They haven't tried to hit on you at all?"

"A couple of times. When they started on the pick-up lines, I started slicing cake."

Uo-chan stared blankly.

"With a sharp knife."

"Ahhhhh…."

"How's Ohtori?"

"You mean the Four-Eyed Bastard? Still snide, still an ass."

"It's probably best you got assigned to him. Can you imagine Honda with him?"

Uo-chan's blood pressure rose at the thought. "Good point. Hana would fry his ass in five minutes, heads would roll if he'd tried to get Kisa, and let's not talk about what you'd do to him… I guess he calculated things nicely when he picked me. I'm glad Ohtori put Tohru with Fujioka, but God, I wish I'd gotten assigned to her."

"Don't we all?"

"Uotani-san."

Arisa stiffened. "Speaking of Satan…"

"Uotani-san, we need the tea, please."

Haruhi had told Arisa that Kyouya didn't host as much as the others, preferring to handle the club's accounts and upcoming events instead. From the pleasure Kyouya was having, Arisa deduced his decision to socialize today was not because of the clients' company, but for the enjoyment of bossing her around.

Kyouya eyed the teacart casually as she pushed it toward him. "It'd be a shame if the tea was cold by now, Uotani-san."

_It'd be a shame if I smashed your glasses._ Arisa fumed silently, her teeth chomping down on her lip while she silently poured the drinks. _Keep cool, Uotani, you've served plenty of jerk-offs before at the restaurant._

Despite the little irks and quirks of the Host Club, things were going rather well.

It had been decided that the new hosts should stick with the founding hosts for a while until they got the hang of the business. Hatsuharu and Momiji were with Huni and Mori. Momiji had a great rapport with Huni, and delighted the clients with his fluency in German. Haru quietly charmed the ladies with his ability to coax Mori into brief conversations ("Hatsuharu-kun and Mori-sama are true kindred spirits, aren't they?") and the whimsical tales he'd tell with a far-away look on his face.

"Once, I walked from home, intending to challenge my cousin Kyo to a warrior's battle…he'd skipped the New Year's celebration, you see…but somehow, his address slipped from my mind…and when I tried to retrace my footsteps back home…the streets twisted into unfamiliar places…"

"Weren't you lost, Haru?" Momiji piped up.

"…No."

Hiro had tried begging off hosting; Tamaki had compromised with him, saying that if he was that uncomfortable sitting down with clients (who were all quite older than him), he could stick with Kisa and keep occupied the girls waiting for their turn with the club.

"So they're letting middle schoolers into the club?"

"Um…not exactly. Most of the new members are our cousins, and we wanted to hang out with them after school, so the club let us in," Hiro fibbed.

Kisa tugged on Hiro's hand. "That girl over there looks lonely, Hiro-chan. Let's go talk with her! Excuse us, Inoue-san!"

Giggles followed them. "Aren't they adorable? Little sweethearts!"

Yuki, as another princely type, found himself tag-teamed with Tamaki.

"Are you adjusting to Ouran well, Sohma-kun?"

"It's-it's a big change, miss, but I'm finding there are plenty of friendly, welcoming people." Yuki smiled gently, sending more than one heart pounding.

"Looks like things are going smoothly, more or less," Kyo muttered to Haruhi from their patch of the room.

"You were expecting the seven rings of hell, Kyo-san?"

"I've already told ya, call me Kyo. I'm not much one for honorifics."

Haruhi grinned. "Most of the girls who come here are good-hearted, looking for some fun conversation. Some are genuinely lonely. If you'll give them a chance, you might like talking with them. Plenty of them will giggle, but few are so bold that they'd maul you."

Kyo had the grace to look ashamed. "Have my feelings been that obvious?"

"Not really; I just pick up on things, that's all." Haruhi sipped her tea. "But the girls are pretty hesitant to talk with you; try relaxing, and they'll do the same. Oh, and thank you for the tea, Honda-san."

"My pleasure, Fujioka-san!" Tohru pushed a small plate of cookies before the two. "And please, call me Tohru."

"Then you should call me Haruhi, Tohru-kun."

Kyo found himself surprisingly at ease. No fights had broken out, no screaming matches or dramatic incidents. He didn't feel nearly as cagey as he had thought he would. _I bet it's because of Haruhi_, he mused. _Kinda funny how she exposed our secret, but I like her the best. She's the only one who's not a nutcase._

"More tea, Kyo-kun?"

"Thanks, Tohru." He couldn't help but look at her as she poured. "You look good in that."

Tohru blushed pink to match her rose-colored uniform. For a split second, their eyes locked—

"Th-thank you! I should get the cart back to the preparation room!" She spun and skittered away.

_Why is my heart pounding? It's just Kyo-kun. You've looked at Kyo-kun plenty of times before. Nothing about him is different._

A vision of orange hair came to her eyes—a fiery mane, golden eyes, a face that had gotten so handsome—

_Nothing at all._

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Why wouldn't the twins _shut up?!_

Arisa felt her own personal hell had arrived in the form of the Hitachiins continuing their infirmary room story.

"I wouldn't give Kaoru a sponge bath—no matter what he said, he didn't have heatstroke—but I figured while we there, we could play doctor and patient."

"The stethoscope was so cold against my chest, Hikaru!"

Arisa's knuckles turned white from her death grip on the cart. Memories from yesterday slithered into her mind, no matter how much she resisted.

"I'm sorry I didn't warm it—I was just so eager to hear your beloved heartbeat."

_Her heart thumped against her chest. He didn't hold her wrists tightly—there were actually quite gentle—but for the life of her, she couldn't pull away—_

"And then I took his pulse—"

_She was afraid he'd feel her pulse. His fingers traced her wrists—_Is he even aware he's doing it?—_and if he pressed, he'd know it was humming a mile a minute, pounding—_

"—and it was pounding."

"We'd just finished playing catch, Hikaru!"

Arisa's eyes roamed the room looking for something, anything, to distract her.

_C'mon, c'mon, anything!_

He was staring at her.

Kyouya Ohtori was staring at her with the hatred reserved for criminals…and the fire reserved for lovers.

_Jesus Christ._

Kyouya rose from the couch, ignoring the girl talking to him, and brushed past Arisa. Making a beeline for the twins' corner, he caused passersby to part like the Red Sea from the thunderous look on his face.

"Kaoru, Hikaru."

The Hitachiins' teasing tones died like snowflakes in a heat wave.

"Lower your voices. You're distracting others."

Arisa didn't wait to hear their reply, if any. She pushed a cart loaded with dirty dishes as though her life depended on it, aiming directly for the prep room. The door met the cart with a loud thump.

"Where's the fire, Arisa?"

She turned to see Hana perched on a stool before the large sink and drying racks. One hand was using a fork to work through a slice of marble cake; the other held a paperback novel.

Arisa eyed three carts standing ignored, piled high with used dishes and teacups.

"Aren't you supposed to be washing dishes?"

"Yes."

"And you're reading a book."

"Yes."

"…One of _Shigure Sohma's_ books?"

"Yes."

"…Do I _wanna_ know why?"

"They're actually quite elegantly written, once you get past the smut."

"Nevermind." Arisa glanced over at Tohru, leaning against the wall. "Something wrong, Tohru?"

Tohru met her eyes, a blush still staining her cheeks. "N-no, Uo-chan…"

_A rare smile, a deep laugh as the wind ruffled his sunrise hair._

"…nothing at all." Tohru took in her friend's wide eyes, her heavy breathing. "Are you all right, Uo-chan?"

_His breath puffing softly across her face…She dared look up, and a mad impulse seized her to set them on his head…Could she see him more clearly if she could just remove them, just set those damn glasses atop his head—_

"'Course I'm fine. Why would I be otherwise?"

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Please Read! Important Information!**

**Sheherazade's Blah Blah Blah**

Hello! First off, thank you, thank you, thank you, everyone who's reviewed/alerted/favorited! I hope you liked the chapter! For the longest time, I couldn't touch this chapter, I wasn't sure how to handle the _Juunishi_ Gang's first day as hosts. We had a snow day (Monday, March 31), an utter surprise. Last Thursday everyone wanted a snow day…but we had school…and we were all ready to mutiny. (We **really** wanted a snow day!) I took this as a sign that I should make the final push and finish this chapter, then polish it for posting.

Are you all surprised at the relationships going on? Well, Tohru and Kyo are no surprise (I like them!), but…Kyouya and Arisa…yeah. They were a total bolt from the blue. When I started thinking of ideas and scenarios for this fanfic, very early on (the second or third chapter I think, if not earlier) I felt that these two had an attraction for each other. I thought I'd gone slightly bonkers, but I couldn't dismiss it. They're so different, backgrounds and all, but they're both strong-willed and passionate. Yeah, I think Kyouya can be passionate; isn't there a saying about the quiet ones being tigers underneath?

I hope no one is unhappy, since they're from two separate series and all. I'm just sorta going where I feel things should go, no definite structure. I have many ideas about adventures the _Juunishi_ and the Host Club can get into, though, rest assured!

And if some of you remember, I mentioned in the first chapter that this story would be between such and such chapters in the Furuba manga…yeah, that's kinda getting tossed out the window! I want to stick with canon as much as possible, but the way things are going, I can't 100 percent stick with the manga! You might've already picked that up from my reference in this chapter to Cinderella play. I'll have to change some things in future, I think, to give me more breathing room for my ideas. I should've expected this; there's no way I can be completely faithful to the manga, since the Furuba manga doesn't have the Host Club in it.

Next chapter, I'm planning on a recap of this mysterious infirmary incident that Kyouya's so adamant about Arisa forgetting!

**QUESTIONS** (Yes, I finally remember to answer them!)

**Little Ginny15:** Hope this chapter answers your question.

**KairiTwin:** Hana can run; in my opinion, she was just faking a collapse to get out of running for gym class. I love Hana, but she can be so lazy.

**madwriterontheloose:** Yes, Kyouya's name should be spelled either Kyouya Ootori or Kyoya Ohtori…but…I liked spelling his name Kyouya Ohtori, it just looks good to me. (realizes this is a pathetic excuse)


	11. Chapter 11: Playing Doctor

**Disclaimer:** I own no part of Ouran High School Host Club or Fruits Basket; they belong to Bisco Hatori and Natsuki Takaya, etc.

_Important info at the end of chapter! Thank you for reading!_

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Playing Doctor**

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

Arisa distracted Tohru by asking her to persuade Hana to wash at least one cart of dishes, then made a beeline for the back and locked herself in the pantry.

She knew it was irrational, but all she could think was _damn him!_ He had walked over and told the twins to knock it off, but still…_damn him…_

Barely realizing what she was doing, she slid down until she was seated at the foot of the door, back pressed against it. She flung her head back, fingers sliding through her light hair as she tried to calm down, and stared at the dark ceiling.

The Host Club didn't make their own teatime treats, but instead ordered snacks from the Cooking Club each day. Still, the pantry was fairly large, the shelves stocked with extra plates, teapots, cups, and utensils, tins of tea leaves, boxes of instant coffee, and other miscellaneous snacks. A lone light bulb with a metal hood swung from the ceiling.

_This is probably the most normal looking room in the whole campus,_ she thought humorously.

Soon, her thoughts turned back to Ohtori. _That look on his face…is he just messing with me, or can he not forget either?_

000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Once Again, The Afternoon of the First Day…**

"Kyouya, pick up the pace!"

Kyouya aimed a scathing glare at his excitable friend as he ran a few paces behind. "I suggest you try to run and formulate a succinct message to your lawyers and see how you fare before you yell at me, Tamaki."

"Why do you need to call them now of all times?!"

The vice-president's thumb started punching numbers on his phone. "Since Uotani-san and Hanajima-san probably hacked and fried a few dozen security guards to pieces, we might have a massive litigation mess on our hands." A voice burst through the phone. "Hello, this is Kyouya Ohtori. Please have your people on standby, I may need you to make your way to Ouran in a few minutes…"

They finally stopped a few steps from the head office. Sure enough, they had no sooner opened the door when ten security guards, all in various states of battery and disorderliness, pointed directly in their faces.

"THEY WERE THERE TOO!!"

Tamaki gulped. "Ahem…gentlemen…might I ask where we supposedly were…?"

"Tamaki…"

He froze, eyes fixed on the man in front of him. When Kyouya looked over his shoulder, he saw that Superintendent Yuzuru Suoh, a man who resembled an older, more dignified version of Tamaki, was standing amidst the carnage that was the security team, looking rather sternly at his wayward son.

"I hear from these gentlemen that you, your club, and the new transfer students were causing quite a bit of trouble for the containment squad?"

"Ah…well…_Otousan_…It's a bit like this…" Seconds slipped by, making it clear that Tamaki didn't know how the hell to phrase 'this'.

Kyouya sighed. He'd have to spin a story. Typical. "We've had quite a lot to show the transfer students today, and hadn't quite got around to debriefing them on emergency procedures, sir. In the confusion in the cafeteria, they became panicked and fled the room—their previous school didn't have anywhere near the security we do, so it was quite a shock for them. Knowing our responsibilities as their guardians, we pursued them, which regrettably led to more mayhem."

He bowed to the headmaster, discreetly jabbing the small of Tamaki's back to make him follow. "We hope you'll forgive our negligence, sir."

"What he said, _'Tousan_."

"…He he…"

The two boys slowly lifted their heads.

"He he…he he ha ha ha ha!"

The senior Suoh was cracking up. The guards had funny looks on their faces and were quietly shaking.

"BAH HA HA HA HA!!"

All the men busted into belly laughs, doubling over in their hysterics.

"Oh, my wonderfully gullible boy!" Yuzuru Suoh stumbled over to his son and cupped his face in both hands. "Ah ha ha! The look on your face! Don't worry, darling boy, we're only having a laugh at your expense, you're not in any real trouble!"

Wheezing slightly, he looked at Kyouya. "I'm sorry, Ohtori-kun, but we couldn't resist. Forgive us?"

Kyouya gave him a genuinely relieved smile. "Of course, headmaster," he said, "of course." _A joke is easily forgiven in the face of the settlements I'd be handing out otherwise._

"Suoh-san?"

Heads turned to look at Uo-chan standing in the doorway to the headmaster's private office, Hana hovering behind her.

"Hana and I were wondering if we could go now."

Yuzuru swept over to genteelly offer both girls his arms. "But of course you may leave," he said breezily as the girls each slipped an arm through his. "My son and his friends have much more to show you, I daresay."

As he escorted them to the door, the guards called out amiably to Arisa and respectfully tipped their helmets to Hana.

"Nice fightin' ya, Uo-chan!"

"Come to the dojo by the worker's quarters sometime and hang out with us!"

"Have a nice day, Hanajima-kun!"

"Thanks for the workout Uotani!"

Tamaki sighed in admiration and clapped Kyouya's shoulder. "Just when you think you've seen it all, eh, friend?"

"My sentiments precisely."

"Tamaki, Kyouya-kun," Yuzuru said kindly but firmly, "do see that Uotani-san gets to the infirmary, and Hanajima-san if she so wishes."

Once the door was closed, Hana commented, "That was quite an unexpected experience."

Tamaki laughed and gestured them down the hall. "Fighting security on your first day here, making friends with them, or meeting my father?"

"All of it!" Arisa exclaimed. "I thought I'd be losing a few teeth and some limbs when I saw all those guys coming at us, but—I don't know—one came at me, then another, and when I didn't go down, I guess it turned into a game for them. I guess the kids here are pretty tame physically, or just don't know how to streetfight like I do. Either way, I guess the guys were bored, and I was something they'd never seen before around here."

Tamaki looked at Hana. While Uo-chan was a mess—her blazer dusty and slightly ripped, her hair mussed and a bloody lip—Hana was perfectly composed.

"Hanajima-san can't streetfight—at least not that I know of—so why were they so friendly with her…?"

"I did not use my full powers upon their fragile minds. They were grateful."

Silence.

"Right-o!" Tamaki burst with a nervous laugh. "Well, we should get to the infirmary as my father instructed—"

"Aw, that's fine," Uo-chan said. "Your dad was just being gentlemanly when he said that, I'm perfectly fine." She casually wiped the corner of cut lip with the edge of her jacket.

"Oh, well then, I suppose it's back to the music room then. Everyone's anxious to know that you two are safe!" He let Kyouya take the lead, quietly dropping back next to Uo-chan. "Ahem, Mamzelle Uotani, while my father entertained you in his study, he didn't…talk about me…did he?"

Uo-chan's face abruptly split into a Cheshire grin._ "Man, did he ever!"_

"**Mon dieu—!!"**

Kyouya quietly snorted. One would think there had been a death in the family from his stricken face and tortured sob.

"Your old man shoved ten photo albums in our faces and told us about each and every picture," Arisa said loudly and gleefully. " 'Oh, here's my son when he was two, chocolate éclairs smushed all over his face!' 'Here's Tamaki in the bathtub at six months! He really loved that rubber ducky!' 'This is at eight months, he looked so cute in diapers, especially when he put one over his head!' "

_"Kyouya, call back the lawyers!! They need to find a defense for _**patricide!!**_"_

"That's not an advisable course."

"—And there was this one of you in a bib drooling all over a teddy bear's ear, that one's _priceless_—"

**"A child's affection for his teddy bear is not to be mocked! I'm sure Kuma-chan appreciated the gesture!!"**

Tamaki was on the verge of spewing fire and marching back to snuff out the wicked flame that was his father's life. Therefore, the group was shocked when his face went from berserker to concerned in a split second.

Arisa started when Tamaki took both her hands. "Mamzelle, your hands and wrists! They're abominably chafed and bruised!"

"Huh? Well, yeah, it wasn't too long ago that I was fighting my way out of a chair."

"Due to my putting you in that chair in the first place! My God," Tamaki breathed, looking genuinely remorseful, "this is the consequence of my ill-thought actions. My father was right, you do need medical attention. Come, I'll take you to the infirmary and have your wounds bandaged."

"Hey, it's nothing, I've had injuries tons worse than this—"

Abruptly, Kyouya popped up next to her and wrapped a hand around her wrist.

"YOW! Sonova—"

"I didn't grip you very hard and you react like this," he said sternly. "If your skin is this tender, it should be looked at properly. There's nothing to be gained from letting your wound remain uncomfortable and untended."

"Exactly, and since it's my fault, I'll escort you. Kyouya, if you'd take Hanajima-san to the club room…"

"No, I'll escort Uotani-san. You take Hanajima-san back."

Ever the gentleman, Tamaki opened his mouth to insist his responsibility, but Kyouya quietly whispered to him, "She sees me as a rival on par with her, Tamaki. On the other hand, we both know if another argument breaks out again, she could eat you alive. Let me take her, and we can keep the peace."

The blond sighed, knowing his dark counterpart had a point.

00000000000000000000000000000000

Arisa braced herself for a fully equipped hospital wing, but was relieved to find a very modest room serving as the infirmary. Granted, it was bigger than average, spacious, with eight beds against either wall, each complete with curtains for privacy, a small table with drawers, and a wash bowl and pitcher. A tall window was the very end of the room, letting the sunlight in quite prettily. To their immediate right were a sink and mirror, and a few closets that housed the medical equipment; to their right were three desks used by the school doctor and two nurses.

The room was empty.

"Well shoot, there's nobody here, guess we gotta turn back."

"Not so fast, Uotani-san." Kyouya tugged open one of the closet's doors and started rummaging around until he drew out a pair of scissors.

"So," Arisa muttered, "Doctor Frankenstein plans on turning me into one of his horrendous creations…"

"Come again?"

"Nothing."

Kyouya raised an eyebrow and turned back to the closet, pulling out bandages, antiseptic cream, cleaning alcohol, and a few washcloths. "Sit down. If there's no one here to treat you, I'll just have to do it myself." He proceeded to set his items on a wooden stool and then turn on the sink to wet the cloths.

She sighed. She was dead tired after running around the school and play-fighting with security; she was too exhausted to fight much. And truth be told, her wrists had been bothering her a bit. She settled for plopping down on a nearby bed.

"Y'know, I can just do this myself. No use getting your hands dirty…"

A snort came in reply. "I wouldn't expect you to know, but my family is known as a medical equipment supplier, we even own a few major hospitals in this area. I've been inspecting our hospitals with my father and older brothers practically since I could walk."

He scooted the stool over to her and swept the bandages and company onto the bed so he could take a seat.

"If I didn't have the competence to know how to attend a simple scrape, I'd take myself out of the running immediately."

"For what?"

Kyouya stilled—then took her forearm, pushed back the sleeve of her blazer, and applied a washcloth to her wrist.

"I'd like to surpass my brothers in order to inherit the family company."

Arisa decided not to push the subject. He might get angry if she did—and it would be a shame if his hands turned rough. They were handling her scrapes so gently.

Kyouya was now taking a good look at what made Tamaki so remorseful and contrite. Arisa's temper had overruled her sense of pain, as the rope burns on her hands and wrists showed. Her hands were dirty from her tumble into the underground tunnel; now that he noticed it, her clothes, face, and hair were smudged from dust and dirt as well.

Now that he thought about it, _he_ must look a bedraggled sight as well.

_Good God, I appeared like this in front of the headmaster._

Oh well, the man was probably too wrapped up in teasing his son to pay much attention to the Ohtori boy anyway.

"You did a number on your arms."

"Heh, yeah. The rest of me prob'ly isn't in any better shape. The boys weren't aiming to kill, but they didn't hold back once they figured out I could play rough."

Kyouya's forehead creased. "Those _boys_ have three times your muscle mass," he said sharply. "Just what was the result of them not holding back?"

_"Ummm…"_ She actually had the gall to pause and look at the ceiling as though she were pondering what to make for supper. "Took a kick to my shin, blow to my side…nearly took a roundhouse kick to the gut, but I blocked that, just grazed me really…and there was this one guy who seemed hellbent on giving me at least_ one_ black eye, he was a pretty impressive boxer, he had to have had some formal training, you could tell…"

The Shadow King's right eye twitched ominously. Should he seek the resignation letters of each and every member of the security team, or get immediate gratification and strangle this loose-cannon girl for her nonchalance? Decisions, decisions…

"…Got caught in a chokehold, but I managed to flip the guy on his back—his face was priceless—and I nearly got rammed into from behind—"

"Enough!" He trapped the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger and squeezed. "I'd better look at the damage then. Remove your jacket."

Arisa snorted and raised her brow when most girls would have blushed and stuttered.

"I'm not one of the naïve princesses you flock with, Ohtori. I've been around the block and heard every line there is."

Kyouya's glasses did nothing to dim the irritation that blasted out from behind them. "Remove your mind from the gutter, Uotani-san, I'm not trying to hit on you. While we have medical kits at our disposal here, we might as well put them to use. If you'd please?"

She grudgingly shrugged her blazer off. Her physician's blood pressure shot up.

Her shoulders and upper arms were red and already discoloring into bruises. He gritted his teeth in rage, suddenly inspecting for and finding more wounds all over. There was the cut lip he had noticed earlier. He reached out and brushed her hair back, startling her and making her hiss when his fingertips touched a scrape at her temple. Before she summoned the urge to box his ears, he caught the hem of her long skirt—just as he thought, scrapes on her knees, the beginnings of bruises coating her shins.

She slapped his hand off. "I know it looks bad, but it's nothing to spazz over—"

Kyouya's hand shot out and pressed against her side.

"YOW! That's _it_ you rat bast—"

His hand moved yet again to slap against her mouth. He looked at her sternly.

"If we leave you as is, you're going to be useless come morning," he said evenly. "I'd be surprised if you could move out of bed. Think about it: you've run at least two miles throughout the campus, fallen down an abandoned shaft, and tangled with an elite private security team that rivals special military units the world over."

He crossed over to a small refrigerator unit next to the supply closet. "You're not fine, and you're going to feel like hell tomorrow if you're not taken care of now." He returned with a couple more cold packs and pressed one to her right arm, which was slightly more beaten than the left.

He jerked when her hand caught his. She stared at him narrowly.

"Just why are you doing this? I'm not one of the Sohmas; if I'm hurt, I don't have a rich family that can sue the school. And it's not like you're doing this from the goodness of your black heart. So what gives?"

His dark eyes stared down at her coldly, easily twisting his hand from under hers, leaving her with the cold pack "You're my responsibility. People have accused me of being cold, calculating, and ruthless—but no one can deny that I am a man of my word."

Thankfully, his words silenced her. He sat again, bending to grip her ankle and haul her leg atop his knee.

_"Ohtori—"_

"_Shut up_, Uotani-san." He took a clean washcloth to the scrapes on her shin. "The faster this is done, the faster we can get out of here, allowing you to ignore my existence until the next time you want to vent your spleen."

Arisa smirked at his bent head. "Yeah, you have no illusions about me, kid."

"I'm the same age as you, _kid_."

A laugh burst from her.

"What?"

She smiled down at him. "That's the first time you've ever addressed me as something other than 'Uotani-san'."

He ducked his head again and finished pressing large band-aids on the worst of her scrapes.

"Don't tell me you're blushing?"

He bent his head further when she leaned forward, trying to catch a glimpse of his cheeks.

"You _are_ blushing, aren't you—YOW!"

Kyouya grinned evilly at her, dribbling another liquid string of cleaning alcohol over the rest of the torn skin on her knee.

"You JACKASS!" Her foot whipped up and rammed his chest, knocking him off the stool, arms flailing. _"That's it, you—are—_DEAD_, ya little snot.!"_

"Ha ha ha _ha!_"

Arisa stared down at him, lying on his back, ripples of laughter bubbling out of him, shaking his chest.

"I'm—I'm sorry….he he…"

She shook her head, grinning, her angry as quick to leave as it came. "You're really somethin', Ohtori."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Slowly, her wounds were tended one by one.

Something had lightly raked her arm, sharp enough to leave tiny dry droplets of blood.

"Armor," she said matter-of-factly.

"Hmm?"

"I got knocked into a suit of armor standing to the side. When I got up, I thought it nicked me. Looks like I was right."

"The school doesn't allow anything to get rusty; otherwise I'd ask if you've had your tetanus shots."

"I have."

"Pity."

"Don't even think about it, I'd never let you near a mile of me with a needle…"

He turned her hands over, lip curling in displeasure at her skinned palms.

"Don't sweat it, it's fine. I got tripped and I landed on them. Reminds me of the time I did the same thing on our class trip."

"Oh? Where did you go?"

"Kyoto. You?"

"Hawaii."

"Bastard."

Finally, they remembered the injuries that had brought them to the infirmary in the first place—her wrists.

"Let me wrap these up quickly and then we're done."

"Good." Kyouya looked up briefly, and was startled to see Arisa gazing at him, a soft smile on her face. "Y'know, you're pretty okay when you wanna be, Ohtori."

_And you know full well that was a back-handed comment, don't you, you little minx._ "Why do you say that? Making small talk is a basic skill if you desire to move in society."

"I wasn't talking about that, though it's been nice having a conversation where I'm not screaming at you."

"What do you mean then?"

"This." She nodded at his hands cradling her wrists. "This doctor stuff. Anybody looking at you now would never guess you detest me normally, 'cause you're so gentle with my wounds."

"Ah…yes…well…" He cleared his throat.

"Maybe I was wrong. Maybe your heart's not black."

He stared.

"Maybe it's just…grey. Dark grey, but you could work on that."

He averted his face. What to say, what to say? It was supremely ironic; Kyouya Ohtori's silver tongue chose to lose its power in front of the liveliest opponent he'd faced in a long while.

Arisa hadn't said anything for a minute now. He abruptly realized that while he'd been struggling to say something, his thumbs had been unconsciously rubbing light circles on her wrists.

But he didn't stop. He could feel her blood pulsing erratically. Her hands had stiffened in his, as though hoping he hadn't noticed his actions.

His dark eyes rose to trace her face. She looked up, surprised that he was looking at her too. Her brown eyes were wide, stunned and confused. She resembled a doe caught in the headlights, but no deer ever looked so…alluring, with a blush dusting her cheeks a light rose.

When had he leaned forward? He felt her shaky breath on his face. Was that his heart thumping? He'd gone through no strenuous physical activity, why was his heart rate elevated? It couldn't be because of her.

_Oh hell._

Soft skin brushed his cheek. Her fingers traced his cheeks and touched his glasses, started to slip them off—

"Kyouya! Are you and Mamzelle in here?"

"Uo-chan?"

A gunshot couldn't have worked better. Both jerked away as though the other was poisonous.

"We're—We're here, Tamaki." Kyouya never knew he could wrap bandages so fast. By the time Tamaki and Yuki walked over, Kyouya had both Uo-chan's wrists finished.

"Sorry to barge in like this Kyouya, but we have much work to do if we're going to have the Sohmas debut tomorrow," Tamaki said.

Still frazzled, Arisa gathered her wits enough to say, "What do you mean, debut?"

"Ahh…you…haven't told her, Kyouya?"

Kyouya adjusted his glasses and rose, heading to the door. "No, I haven't."

Quietly, Tamaki hesitantly muttered, "Ahem…well, you see Mamzelle, your friends have decided to join our little club."

As someone who grew up in a shady, underhanded environment, Arisa could home in on shiftiness from a mile off. "And just what kind of club is it, Suoh-san?"

Kyouya didn't even lay a hand on the doorknob before—

"A HOST CLUB?!"

His glasses nearly slipped off again when she caught his arm and wrestled him around, his back slamming into the door.

_"There is no way in hell they'd willingly join a host club! What did you do to them?!"_

Kyouya coldly pried off her fingers from where they gripped his lapels. "I did nothing, Uotani-san. The superintendent thought it would be best if the Sohmas were to join our club, as a way to get them settled into school life. As the school year has already begun, clubs are on short notice to accept new members—we are the only ones ready to take them."

Arisa whipped around to stare disbelievingly at Yuki. "Hey, Yuki, is this true? Is he actually serious about this?"

Yuki's soft eyes took on the troubled look that had surfaced again and again since Shigure had dropped the bomb. "Yes, he is, Uo-chan. The host club was the only ready for new members. And it doesn't seem so bad. We'll probably come to like it…"

Kyouya's eyes took on that cunning look she had come to loathe. "I might mention Honda-san has accepted membership into the club as well. She's loathe to part from her friends…"

"We'll see about that once Hana and I get through talking with her—"

Yuki's face turned downright dour. "The situation was explained to Hana, too, and she agreed to join for Honda-san's sake."

_"Dammit Hana!"_

"It would be such a hassle to arrange for you to transfer back to Kaibara," Kyouya said smoothly, "so why don't you stay?"

Arisa knew when her hands were bound. There was no way she could leave her best friends behind.

"Fine," she spat. "Even if they did want to leave, I guess we couldn't leave Yuki and the other Sohmas behind. God knows what could happen if they got left alone with a pack of pansy-assed Casanova wanna-bes."

She stormed out of the infirmary.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Arisa looked down at her bandaged hands. She was faintly glad she'd left them on, since her hands had been dirtied from running around, attending to Kyouya the Twit's every damn whim this afternoon.

She curled her fingers into fists, uncaring when they faintly stung.

"Idiot," she grumbled, unsure of whether she was referring to herself or the Four-Eyed Bastard.

A part of her was seriously scared. Things had changed so fast, so many things had happened—the Kaibara gang's situation could just as easily change again for the worse…

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Sheherazade's Blah Blah Blah**

Hullo out there! It's Sheherazade again. Thanks for reading this chapter, and pretty please review! Reviews are love!

I've had this chapter kicking around for a while, but hammering it out was troubling; ideas came in fits and bursts, then went into a lull. Also, I've been typing a few one-shots in the Bleach section, an IchigoxRukia collection.

It's called **Words in Song and Rhyme.** _Read and Review._ **I implore you.**

I actually think they're quite good, but few people seem to want to review…

Okay, now that that shameless advertising is out of the way, my thoughts on this chapter!

Wow…these two were just not cooperating in some sections! The bickering is effortless; it's the peacetime moments that are hard to capture. I started the flashback with Kyouya and Tamaki, since that's where Chapter Nine: Mutual Benefits left off, and it just sort of ran off in Kyouya's point of view from there. I accidentally provided the opportunity to show Kyou-chan's reactions to their "illicit encounter."

I love it when I accidentally provide opportunities for myself. Does that ever happen to anyone else? It's kinda freaky, no?

Okay here's the schedule: a **oneshot **for Song and Rhyme that I'm trying to wrestle into a conclusion; **chapter twelve** of Juunishi Host Club; then maybe maybe maybe **an update on Children of Clow** (God, haven't touched that in eons) before July 9, 'cause that's when I leave for the Philippines. 'Cause I don't know how accessible my uncle's computer will be, and I'm there for a month. Yep, a month. Travel tips, anyone? I'm a tad apprehensive/scared/homesick even though I haven't left home yet.

**Again, thanks for R &R!**


End file.
